


Vir Dirthara (WIP)

by CathyFowl



Series: Thedosian Works In Progress [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Character Study, Dragon Age Headcanons, Dreaming, Evolving Tags, F/M, Headcanon, Kaimelar, Kaimelara, Modern Girl in Thedas, Post-Trespasser, Sort of maybe..., Spoilers, Trespasser Spoilers, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2018-08-07 23:10:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7733443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CathyFowl/pseuds/CathyFowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dreams can take you to strange places. Sometimes those strange places are the ruins of an ancient Elvhen library.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm experimenting here. Mostly I'm curious about what happens AFTER Trespasser. Also, some messing around with my Kaimelar OCs.

 

*** Prologue ***

 

I was procrastinating. I knew I was procrastinating and I was debating over whether knowing it made it better or worse. I just really needed, wanted a break from reality. What I wouldn't give to be one of the creatures I created. A kaimelar who lived in dreams and had all the powers of imagination and could visit all the fictional worlds I knew of.

I let out a heavy sigh and fiddled with the settings of my word processor. Staring at the blank screen was marginally less depressing when it was an endless blackness instead of the normal white sheet of digital paper.

I should've been studying for my exams. I had two tests the next week and three on the week after. And I haven't even opened my textbooks since the start of the semester. I knew I should work harder, I wasted enough years already, and I couldn't afford to drag school out any more. But I got sick just thinking about chewing my way through my law textbook, or reviewing my accountancy notes so my test results would be better than 'barely passed'.

I headbutted the keyboard and let the random keys accumulate before finally looking up and staring at the freshly appeared neon-green letters on the black screen. A mess is what I was and not even video games or fanfiction could help when I got in this mood.

I briefly wondered if I would get diagnosed with something if I lived in the US and actually had access to proper psychologists/psychiatrists. I thought I was a high-functioning something for sure. Not that it mattered. In my vocabulary 'high-functioning' meant that I wasn't sick enough not to just 'suck it up and soldier on'.

I thought writing would help me get my head back on straight but the black screen mocked me with evidence of just how wrong I've been. Oh well. It wasn't like I've ever been good at writing 'just for myself'. I wanted to be accepted, acknowledged and cheered on. 'Loved' wasn't really an issue (except when it was). I had a superb, if a bit lopsided, family in my Mum, Gran and Grandpa.

But I wanted to have friends who'd understand the fanish joys I enjoyed. It was (not so) surprisingly difficult to find such people. And even if the internet helped me find them, I was too timid toward strangers to easily connect with new people.

And there was the issue of what I called my 'Hungarian Disappearing Act'. I was cyclical. Got really interested in something, overdone it, and then finally got bored of it and moved on to the next thing, not touching the previous topic for months or years.

I shouldn't have to point out that relationships, in general, didn't survive such attitude. And it wasn't even that I was ever bored with _people_. I just got distracted by a new thing and the next thing I knew it'd been five months since I'd last spoken to an online friend. It made picking up a conversation all the more awkward. And their email address didn't work anymore.

"If only, if only..." I mumbled as I deleted the head-keyboarded characters from the endlessly black screen. If I _was_ a kaimelar, I would dream of Solas and would creep him out with my weird Fade Skillz.

Yes, my latest obsession was all that was Dragon Age. I happened upon a few cute pics of Dorian on Tumblr and the next thing I knew, I had played through Inquisition without any preexisting knowledge of the world or the lore and was freaking out my Gran when I burst into the kitchen making incoherent noises over the post-credit scene with Solas.

I caught up with the games in a matter of months. As in, I sank all my holiday money into getting Origins, Dragon Age 2, and all the DLCs. I ended up playing them backwards: finishing my first DA2 playthrough in the winter break, before finishing a playthrough of Origins.

And I played my first Solavellan not long after. I didn't actually get to the 'Hell' part. I got distracted by Thom and Cullen. And I stand by my assessment that the happiest (well conventionally at least) ending is when you can marry Cullen. And disband the Inquisition.

Having played as a male Dalish elf in my first playthrough, having the single foreknowledge of how to get to romancing Dorian, looking back I cringe at some of my decisions and how ridiculous it all was. And how I kept stopping to gush over how wonderful the worldbuilding was. And how the game (DA:I) hinted at previous games just enough so a new player like myself didn't feel excluded, just intrigued enough to maybe want to play the previous games.

I've never met a video game so lovingly crafted with such attention to detail. And then the fandom and the immense amount of great fic had just blown my mind even more. I was lost and as my interest waned in the games (never really dissolving completely), it just moved to the fics.

I've never written fanfic before. I created my own worlds. Crossover was a thing, but I had my own characters I loved and cherished and kept building in my head. They could mess up any world they would be dropped into, and once I started reading fanfic, I recognized that most of those scenarios were basically fanfic. Fix-it-fics, to be precise.

A ton of never-written, only thought out fix-it-fics.

And in the heart of it all, my ultimate Mary Sue, the dreamer princess Fagora. Kaimelar meant 'dreamer'. I cobbled the term from some Tolkien elven dictionary I had from somewhere. I felt so proud when I made it. I called the kingdom Somnium, taken simply from the Latin word for 'dream' and I used to have a name for the capital city too but I never used it and forgotten after a while since there really wasn't a city to be thought of.

Just a Castle, and its inhabitants. The Loyal of the Kaimelar. I had this little ragtag team of seven, gathered together in my head, since high school. And that's been a long time ago.

Time sure is strange. It flows, it crawls, it rushes. You look back and sometimes a year feels like a decade and sometimes five years feel like just a couple months. How long has it been? Too long, not long enough...

And then I did something I've never done before. I fell asleep in front of my computer. I also pulled a 'Hungarian Disappearing Act' on my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to the action.  
> Our heroine wakes up somewhere different and meets a couple of familiar faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics for thoughts and emphasis.

I woke with a jerk and at first I thought that I just nodded off for a moment, like I very rarely did when I was tired enough to zone out into almost sleeping with my head on a desk. I was a light sleeper and needed just the right conditions to fall (and stay) asleep.

Like my pillow that any desk would lack. Or darkness. Though there was plenty of that here. Have I turned off my desk light? Wait, I wasn't sitting at my desk. It was way too soft and I wasn't in my swivel-chair.

Where _was_ I?

It took me a good couple of minutes to fully awaken, take in what little I could of my surroundings in the darkness, and decide that I was dreaming.

 _Rules of my dreams #1_ : It's always dark/murky, (probably because I sleep in a darkened room. And I do sometimes dream in brighter conditions, with colours!)

So it was dark. I could make out some outlines that didn't make much sense at first. That was troublesome because:

 _Dream rules #2_ : Everything makes sense in dreams, because: dream-logic!

One thing at a time now. I was sitting in a chair. With soft upholstery and arms. An armchair. But one that could be part of a dining chair set. And why was I worried about how to say things in English?

One thing at a time!

I had been sleeping with my head cradled on my folded arms that had been resting on something softer than a table top. I felt around in front of me. A table. Big, like a dining room table. And on top of it, a huge book, open. I felt around it, making up its shape in my mind from touch alone. Bigger than Mum's encyclopaedias, leather-bound, open to about the middle of it. I didn't drool on it, thank God. I loved books too much to forgive myself if I smudge the ink of such a wonderful specimen. The feel of the paper (parchment?) and the leather binding made it priceless in my mind. Not to mention what might be written inside!

I felt around the table wondering if I would've been reading by candlelight. I was afraid of open flames enough that I doubted that I'd be willing to sit down to read such a tome with a burning candle nearby. And fall asleep to boost. Not even in my dreams.

My hand bumped a glass surface as I felt around the table, and I let out a small yelp expecting it to be a water glass ready to spill.

It was a lamp. Like those pictures of oil lamps in history books. I could trace its curvature. Its glass had already cooled down. It had been out for a long time. I carefully wrapped my hand around its base and wiggled it around. It sloshed faintly. Almost empty then. Not that I had a match or a lighter to relight it.

I rose to standing, careful not to jostle anything that might be around me. I became aware of my feet being bare as I slipped them off of the chair and hit cold stone. Interesting. Stone floor rarely featured in my dreams. I was more of a tile/wooden flooring kinda girl.

And I always wore socks.

I wriggled my toes and traced the edge of a stone slab carefully. It didn't feel uncomfortably cold and it was about the size of a cobblestone. Maybe a bit bigger. Definitely finer. Not marble. I had the sense of cold grey stone like what medieval castles were made of.

Was I in a castle?

I took a step away from the table. I was determined to find the opposite wall in the near complete blackness. I felt my path out with my toes so I wouldn't stub them. More books, piled knee-high on the floor. I almost toppled one such tower but caught the books just in time. They were smaller than the huge tome I had been sleeping on at the table.

When I reached the wall, it wasn't a wall at all but a tall bookcase. It was tall enough that I couldn't reach the top of it. To be fair that wasn't such a feat given that I was on the short side of average height.

Although, if I really wanted to I should be able to reach the top because:

 _Dream rules #3_ : Sometimes I can fly. Hover more likely, but it's flying enough not to be bound to the ground. Sometimes it's as easy as walking up a flight of steps made of air, and sometimes I have to fight for a scarce couple of inches off the ground. But I can fly. In my dreams.

I reached and imagined myself lighter. Nothing happened, except I got a really good stretch. So a very high bookcase and a non-flying dream. And bare feet. And grey stone.

I sighed and stopped playing a fool opting instead to feel around the edges of the room and look for a door. The whole of that wall had been covered with bookshelves and I was just about to start getting anxious over _not_ finding a door at all when I traced the corner and, after a couple of feet of bare wall, my fingers touched on wood.

A door frame. And a door. With a handle. A breath rushed out of me that I haven't even realized I was holding. I tried the handle and it gave with ease and the door opened with the lightest of squeak of the hinges.

I gasped at the sight outside.

It was a beautiful starry night with a huge full moon hanging off to the right. I've never seen so many stars in the sky in my life. Not even in that one dream about the constellations. Not even the moon paled them.

I was under some sort of eave so I took a step forward to get a better look at the sky, only for the ground to disappear from under me. I screamed as I fell.

 _Dream rules #4_ : (It's kind of a common thing actually.) I wake up before feeling pain or dying.

I did _not_ wake up.

Instead, my flight reflex finally kicked in and I got a really close look at the stones of the floor below without splattering against them and painting the silvery grey of the moonlit stone into an off-red mess.

I gasped for air, trying to calm down, hovering a scant inch above the ground and starting to shake from the adrenalin hitting my system.

 _That_ was _not_ normal. Dream or otherwise.

After a few minutes, I managed to calm my breathing and looked up and around. The full moon cast everything in silver light so bright it could've been daylight, except the colours were off.

There was the edge I fell off above me. Two storeys up at least. I was in some sort of an old stone building. It was huge but broken up. Walls and floors were missing and some of the supporting pillars ended before touching the ground below.

On the floor I landed on the whole front wall was missing, letting the moonlight illuminate the countless bookshelves lining the sides and even some of the mural that covered the back wall.

A library?

It took me a couple of tries to get back up on my feet. Or to convince them to support my weight. Or to get them to move. And perhaps stop hovering and walk on the floor. It wasn't like the actual ground had given out from under me. There just wasn't any more flooring and I didn't notice, I was so awed by the beautiful sky and the huge moon.

I measured it, turning around and holding out my arm straight, thumb extended, squinting with one eye. Yep, the moon was bigger than my thumb. Definitely a dream then. Or another world.

A slight breeze hit me then and I shivered.

I looked down on myself to see what I was wearing to feel so cold from such a tiny breeze and saw a white, gauze-like dress. Definitely a dream. I would never, ever wear such a thing. I didn't own such a thing and would never imagine myself in it.

I plucked at it, testing its texture. It was kind of thick for being practically see-through. It had wide shoulders but no sleeves and ended a little below my knees. Or not.

I mean _those_ were not _my_ knees. I had ugly knees. Those were a rather nice pair of knees that belonged to a pair of rather shapely legs. I've never been conscious of my body in dreams but this was odd on so many levels.

I turned fully towards the moonlight and took stock.

I wiggled my toes and raising one leg I grabbed the hem of my dress with my toes and lifted it slightly. Those were my toes, dexterous enough to pick up things, my feet. My legs seemed longer though, until I realized they were only slimmer. I spotted the scar I had from when I was chasing one of our dogs and tripped over the other.

I pulled up the dress to reveal white lace-trimmed cotton panties. I never wore lacy panties. I preferred comfort, so sue me. My thighs were slimmer too, though as I twisted my legs this way and that and felt around my butt I realized it was just the unhealthy amount of extra fat missing. I wasn't meant to ever be thin. And now I marvelled at thighs that still carried volume, yet looked... kind of nice, actually. And my skin felt impossibly smooth.

I may have giggled.

I let go of the hem of the dress and traced my torso next. Less of a muffin top but still had grabbing-ready sides, boobs... yeah. Still on this side of 'you only have to wear a bra if you really want to or if you're out in public'. But(!) with slimmer legs and a bit less voluptuous hips, they felt a bit more proportionate. I moved over to examining my arms before I would start talking to the 'girls'.

My arms completely lacked the flabbiness I was used to. Instead, they felt more powerful while retaining a sort of feminine softness. I pretended to draw a bow, then examined the muscles on my arm. Yep, an archer's arms. Interesting. I only ever studied archery for a couple of lessons in high school. I was a terrible shot and could not draw any proper bow, just the superlight kiddy-ones they had for absolute beginners.

I traced the moles on my arms, counting and checking all the ones I remembered. All there. Next, my hands. The usual. Good. I liked my hands. They were wide-ish with long fingers from having played the piano from an early age. I checked my left middle finger and this time I did giggle.

I had an accident when I was five that almost cost me the whole finger. Having already started playing the piano, it had been a big deal back then. I got to keep the finger though. By the time it healed, only the tip looked a bit off, 'skinnier', or so I liked to call it. I'll spare you the more gruesome details.

So, I had my own body, but it was a bit different... Weird, but okay so far. I twisted my arm to run my fingers over my left shoulder blade, tracing the most unique natural feature of my body, a set of moles I called my 'Hawaii Islands'. They were there. I also found my hair then. It sounds silly, I know, but since I always kept my hair pulled back, I rarely thought about it consciously.

It was running down my back in a long, thick braid. As I drew it over my shoulder I felt a pang of nostalgia. It was long, reaching my butt even in its braided state and in the silver light of the moon, it looked as black as a crow's feathers. In reality, my hair was just a boring dark brown. Sometimes people thought it natural black but especially in the summer, it was clearly lighter than that.

I wound the thick braid around my neck like a scarf and laughed in delight. I haven't been able to do that in years. More than a decade even.

I wondered what my face looked like. Did I lose the pudgy roundedness of too full cheeks? Or was my face unchanged? I traced the contours and found my eyes felt the same, and my lips, my neck was more slender though, my nose a bit smaller perhaps. I couldn't really tell because I’ve never traced my features only by touch. Except for my lips but I didn't pay attention to their shape anyway. I would need a mirror to assess the rest of my features. Like the colour of my eyes.

Then I found my earlobes and discovered with delight that the simple, thin gold loops I'd been wearing since forever were still in them. My grin only faltered when I traced the edges of my ears.

They were pointy, elongated and ending in super sensitive tips. I shivered, shocked, as I traced the edge and tip over and over even as the motion tickled. They felt so normal, natural. Not like some extra shape was glued to a human ear. The basic shape was different too and the lines still flowed the same as my normal ears. Sooo weird! Then they twitched and I almost jumped out of my skin I was startled so bad.

They moved! They actually moved. I did have sharp ears, in the sense of having good hearing, both because of not listening to my mp3-player on too high and thus staving off hearing loss a bit longer,  _and_ having a good ear for music. And sometimes when I caught a sound behind me I could _feel_ them try to strain toward the sound. But they never ACTUALLY MOVED!

I had to sit down. I was starting to freak out which made no sense if I was dreaming and which should've happened sooner if I wasn't.

I looked around the library for a chair or a stool and spotted a figure instead. There was a hazy, red, humanoid shape hovering by the door on the other side of the room. I did jump this time and I let out a very unladylike string of expletives.

"I am sorry to have startled you. I would have announced my presence sooner but you seemed preoccupied and I did not wish to trouble you." The... thing spoke in a soft and melodious feminine voice. I swallowed, hard. Just how long had it been there, _watching_ me.

"H-hi," I managed pathetically. "Wh-who are you?"

"I am Study. I am learning thirst. Come, know what has not been lost."

Wait... I knew those lines. I knew what, who this was. The Archivist! But that meant...

"Am I... am I in Vir Dirthara?" I asked. And startled a bit from the sound of my own voice. It was a bit different. And the elvhen name of this place rolled off of my tongue far too easily. I used to have trouble with 'dirth~' anything.

"Yes. What is left of it," the spirit nodded.

I pinched myself. It hurt. Actually sharply hurt like no pain ever felt like in my dreams. Which meant I was probably royally screwed because I was an elf in Thedas.

But when? It was at least after the fall of Arlathan...

"Do you know what year it is?" I asked the spirit hurriedly. If it was before or near 9:44, I was in danger of bumping into Qunari. If it was after, I was in danger of being stuck here. With Solas roaming around somewhere beyond the Eluvians. Could I even work those?

‘ _Fen'Harel enansal._ ’

"I am sorry. I do not know. Time has seized to have meaning here." The spirit seemed pained that it could not answer me. Before I made a conscious effort to move, I was standing right in front of it.

"It's all right. Don't worry about it," I said gently, raising my hand to touch its shoulder before realizing its immaterial nature would prevent it. And it might not be a great idea, randomly touching spirits, anyways.

Something crackled beyond the door behind the spirit and my ears twitched. Footsteps then, a strange rhythm but definitely humanoid. I turned from the spirit and sneaked over to the door, my steps not making any sound as my feet still refused to touch the floor.

As I eased the door open to a crack, I wondered how I could have such distinctly dream-like attributes _and_ be an elf. Perhaps I wasn't! Perhaps I was more like the ancient Elvhen now. Hmmm...

There was a figure moving in the other room, beyond the door. It was a room with more tables, bookcases in it and a sculpture of an Elvhen tree stood in the middle. Now that I knew that I was in Vir Dirthara, I easily recognized the room as one of the central rooms with at least three Eluvians in it. The fact that most of its walls were missing and the moonlight seeped in all around, helped.

My gaze found the biggest Eluvian easily. It was active, I found it with joy. Its glowing blue surface reminded me of a stormy sea. The figure that had entered through it, was hidden by the tree sculpture looking at something on a desk beyond it, and I wondered if I could risk running for the Eluvian.

I wasn't sure I wanted to try staying hidden. For one, I might miss my only chance to get out of here. I loved libraries and I'd probably enjoy _'reading'_ my way through all the remaining _'books'_ , but I would have rather took my chances in Thedas, or even the Fade, then be stuck here, between the waking and dreaming worlds, for who knew how long.

I could hover/fly. Could I go into stealth, I wondered. Then I realized, of course, being between worlds made sense. That's why I had dream qualities as well as _'real'_ ones. If I counted being an elf as a feature of reality. So not an ancient Elvhen then? Did I have vallaslin? I ran my fingers over my face again but my skin just felt smooth, like it hadn't been since puberty hit.

Concentrate! Stealth! Can I slip past whoever was beyond the tree sculpture? I had no way of knowing unless I tried.

So I pushed the door open a fraction more, listening to the sound of possibly creaking hinges. It didn't make a sound. I slipped past it into the central room.

My corner of it was clad in shadows and I could look around without feeling too exposed. I was completely silent too, so unless the stranger had any other sense that I could not hide from, I should've been fine.

I edged my way toward the active Eluvian, trying to stick to the shadowed walls, keeping my eyes on the form bent over and studying something on the desk. I could only see their back, covered in what I thought to be furs. I looked a bit like Solas' wolf furs of his Elvhen armor...

No. No waaaay~

I must've made a noise or 'the Dread Wolf caught my scent', but the next thing I knew, the figure straightened suddenly, turning and facing me. I shuffled to the side enough that the tree was no longer standing between us to obstruct the view. So I found myself staring into the grey-blue eyes of Fen'Harel himself.

It took a moment longer for me to react. To turn and run for the Eluvian. To escape. That look was _not_ the look of the mild-mannered apostate elf. Or the look of the broken-hearted friend/lover cutting his last ties to the Inquisitor. Those were the eyes of a predator, plain and simple. And I refused to be prey.

 _Not today_.

Then he Fade-stepped.

Half of me was furious over him cheating like that, the other half was amazed at the sight. I could actually see him flicker between this place and the Fade and could do nothing to step out of his way. Thinking on that, I shouldn't have been able to see the _colour of his eyes_ from so far away, with how shitty my eyesight could be, especially in twilit conditions.

Then the moment was over and he was standing right in front of me, one hand holding my wrist in an unforgiving grip.

"Let go!" I shrieked, jerking my hand sharply at the same time he asked, "How did you get in here?"

"Who are you? Who do you work for? Answer me!" He continued his questioning as I was struggling against his iron grip on my wrist. In my hovery state, I couldn't even get a proper purchase to strain against. And he was so close. And I kind of used to like him?

I felt tears sliding down my cheeks. I was so confused. This was Solas. But not. And I was terrified of the Solas who had his powers back and _this_ close to tearing down the Veil and unleashing chaos over Thedas. But I also really liked him. I would have wanted to help him restore the elves. It was his _means_ I had problems with, not his _goals_.

It was like my conflicted mind was trying to tear apart my dreamed-up body as I struggled to pry Solas' fingers off my wrist. He caught my other hand too and pushed me against the wall behind me, demanding answers. I was terrified and I broke. It felt like shattering into a million pieces. Suddenly I was everywhere in that room, seeing for a fraction of a moment the utter shock on Solas' face, the worried look of the Archivist who had peeked in through the door at the sound of our struggle, the Eluvian, the hint of the world beyond the Eluvian, the sculpture tree, everything.

***

And then I jerk awake so hard, I fell off my desk chair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's communication.

I groaned, massaging my bruised bottom even as I tried to calm my breathing. What _the fuck_ kind of dream was that? I blinked hard against the harsh brightness of my desk lamp and squinted up at my computer screen. It had gone into sleep-mode, I haven't touched it in so long and was just reawakening, since I managed to knock my mouse off the desk.

Seriously, wtf.

I sighed, letting the computer turn on just long enough for me to confirm the time (3:18 a.m.) and turn it off properly. I staggered out to my tiny bathroom and washed my face with cold water. I wasn't sure I wanted to risk sleeping again for a long while.

Yeah, right, like that'd ever work. It was just a dream. A weird dream, from overdoing all that gaming and fic-reading and from falling asleep on my desk. I crawled into my bed and checked that I had my alarm for the next day at uni. I managed to fall asleep again by telling myself bedtime stories with my favourite kaimelar characters.

 

***

 

"You've gotta be kidding me!" I shouted with all the volume I could master, my words echoing through the ruined chambers of Vir Dirthara. "I don't fucking believe this!"

I checked my ears. Yep, still pointy. Still dressed in the ridiculous white gauze-dress. Feet on the stone floor though. I flexed my toes as I grumbled on.

I awoke, or rather, came back to myself, on the same spot I had shattered. It felt like waking up, like when you become aware of your body on the next morning after a rigorous workout. I had arms, legs, torso, head and memories and thoughts.

And I was pissed.

There was a dark chuckle from the other side of the room and as I spotted Solas back at his desk, I stepped back automatically, right into the wall behind me, hitting my head. I dropped into a crouch and grumbled selected curses as I cradled my aching skull.

"So, what are you?" He asked after actually laughing at my pain.

"Why should I answer?" I asked. I was too pissed at being back here as soon as I fell asleep, to be afraid of him anymore. His familiar amused chuckle and laughter might've helped as well. As I slowly stood and looked at him, I marvelled at how different he looked without that 'cornered beast' intensity in his gaze.

‘ _He's on the run_.’ I thought suddenly.

"She is Kaimelara." The Archivist chimed in. I have already forgotten that it was around too.

"Hey, that's not fair, telling on me! I thought we were getting along so well..." I acted hurt. Kaimelara though... that was... interesting. Would explain some things if not others.

"Kaimelara?" Solas' gaze was palpable as he studied me. I felt a blush rise on my face. I _was_ dressed in practically nothing. Not that I had many reservations toward nudity. Especially not with this gorgeous elven body. But still. I closed my eyes and thought hard, imagining soft breeches and a dark cotton dress. There was a soft sound from Solas and as I opened my eyes and looked down at myself. I found I was dressed in clothes similar to what Sera used to wear, just in different colours, grey leggings and a midnight blue dress with grey trimmings.

"Sweet!" I cried triumphantly and grinned up at Solas. Only for my smile to falter and quickly disappear at the look on his face.

"Solas..." I began. His gaze jerked up to mine, suspicion and paranoia returning to his grey-blue eyes. Shit. I shouldn't have called him by his name.

We eyed each other for a long minute before he spoke.

"Since you already know who I am, perhaps it is fair that you would introduce yourself as well?"

I almost melted in the spot. His voice? The games could not do it justice. Or maybe it's technology that just couldn't capture it in all its glory. That voice! I shivered before nodding reluctantly. Anything to have that playful glint back in his eyes.

"I've got just one question before that," I said, keeping eye contact. He raised one eyebrow. "What year is it?"

That took him by surprise, though he hid it well. Just a twitch of that raised eyebrow before he leaned back against the table behind him.

"9:44 Dragon" he said finally, watching my reaction carefully. I nodded, counting.

That was the year of the Exalted Council. Judging from the look on his face, he already revealed himself to the Inquisitor. No matter the details, the Anchor was gone and he was working on his plan to tear down the Veil.

But the Veil was still in place. If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel it. A sort of filter over everything around me. It was strange here, in Vir Dirthara, and I was sure it would feel different if I was firmly on either side of it, but I could feel it.

I nodded again and took a deep breath.

"You can call me Fagora," I said.

"Is that your real name?" He asked, doubt apparent in his voice.

"If I am Kaimelara, then yes, it is," I said simply. That was the name of my Kaimelar princess. The First Child, the Kaimelara.

He turned his head to one side as he studied me. I felt a blush heat my cheeks again. This was ridiculous. How could he make me blush with that prying gaze? He only saw the riddle, I knew.

I thought about old dogs and new tricks and chuckled, finding the courage to walk up to him. He tensed at first but as I stopped beside him and pulled myself up to sit on the end of the table and started swinging my legs, he seemed to gradually relax.

"Why are you here? I didn't think you frequented the Vir Dirthara in its current state," I asked, after the silence and his gaze became uncomfortable.

He started at the sound of the Elvhen name rolling from my tongue. It was subtle though, just a slight widening of his eyes before he was back to the calculating glare.

"I seek knowledge," he said simply.

I laughed then. He made a face and I laughed harder.

"It's just..." I gasped between peals of laughter. "It's just that... this place is a ruin. I doubt anything remains intact that could help your cause."

"And just what do you know about my cause?" He asked. I shivered. The barely tempt down anger was back in his voice, his gaze turning sharp. What had happened since he took away the Anchor? Has the Inquisitor made their move? I took a deep steadying breath, all my mirth gone.

"I know you want to tear down the Veil, Fen'Harel."

If there was ever a sentence to strike Solas speechless...

He stared and I held his gaze unflinching. Now I would see if I could die in a dream or not. Or if I could wake up in my reality again. Ever again.

After our stare-off went on long enough, he tore his gaze from me and stood, pacing away from the table with his hands clenched at the small of his back. As I watched him pace, I thought he _did_ have a similar gait to a wolf. I wondered if he could turn into a wolf or if the whole wolf iconography was just part of his legend.

And what was up with his hair? Not even his self-portrait answered that question coz he wore a hooded cape in that. Ah, I had so many stupid questions. Might as well ask some…

"So, natural, shaved or spell?" I asked for my first irrelevant question, one that I was fairly certain I knew the answer for.

"What?" He stopped pacing and stared at me like I'd grown another head.

"Your hair," I explained. "Or lack thereof." I drew my own long braid over my shoulder studying it in the new light. Oh, I looked up to locate the lamp he had lighted while I was away. Hmm... In the combination of the moonlight and the yellow of the lamplight, my hair looked to have a reddish tinge to it. Maybe chestnut?

"Spell," he said. I nodded sagely while still studying my own braid.

"Makes sense. See," I pointed at him with my braid, "I haven't had _my_ hair this long since I was... what, thirteen or so? I always liked my hair long but it's a pain to care for when it's this long." I gestured at my bicep, indicating hair length. "Nowadays I wear it this long. In a ponytail coz I can't braid it well when it's styled."

He stared an awful lot at me. Was I really that strange? I mean talking about hair that much, sure, weird. Or was it that I spoke of my _clearly_ long hair as not real...? Nah.

"This is not your true form?"

Way to cut to the heart of the matter. _Exasperated sigh_.

"Nope. Although, maybe _here_ it is," I said. "It's complicated," I shrugged and went back to swinging my legs and debating whether to ask about the wolf thing or not.

"Fascinating." I turned to him at that. He sounded so much like his hobo apostate self, it was almost painful to hear. When he was more of a cornered wolf now. _Time is running out for the one who walks the Dinan'Shiral_.

"Here's a hard one: If after your journey is complete, and instead of death you could be reborn to a new life, would you take that offer?" If I was dreaming, this had no weight. If I was truly here and Kaimelara, I had the power to change his fate. I had to know.

He stalked over to me, trapping me by leaning on the table, his hands on each side of me. Our faces were so close I had to lean back to keep eye contact. He was tall. Being taller than me was not hard and I suspected I was even shorter as an elf, but he was _tall_ , especially for an elf. Perhaps not for an Elvhen. I wondered if he recruited Abelas to his cause.

"If you know of my _journey_ , you should know that there is no such possibility for me." He was back to the wary wolf routine. It made me physically hurt to see that darkness, that hopelessness, swell in his eyes.

"But what if..." I began but he cut me off.

"There is _no_ ‘what if’. There is only death." He straightened slowly and turned away, hiding his expression a second too late. He was determined, yes. He would do everything he had to to the remedy his earlier failures. But he regretted this path as well. Was it because of the Inquisitor? I hoped fiercely that there was a just Inquisitor in the world. One who had shown him that there was some good in this world cut off from the Fade.

How to ask who the Inquisitor was? How could I ask what they were to him?

"...not today..." I whispered to myself.

I shook my head and hopped off the table, stared at my bare feet. I had elven feet that did not feel the cold of the grey stones.

"There is a story I heard long ago," I said slowly, trying to gather my thoughts. "I don't remember it well, just what I've learned from it. It may seem selfless or heroic or _right_ to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love or want to save, but self-sacrifice is never the right answer." I finally looked up from my feet, only to find him standing closer than I had expected, his gaze intent on mine.

I opened my mouth to say something, when I heard the faint echo of my alarm. Time was up. I smiled a bit sadly.

"I've gotta go," I said looking out toward the night sky of the Vir Dirthara. It had turned pink tinged while I wasn't paying attention. "Perhaps I'll see you again tonight," I said turning back to Solas and waving goodbye. I caught a glace of my raised hand turning into pieces of green light before I woke in my bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some flying around and sharing of not-quite-real memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Weightless by Natasha Bedingfield. I've no excuses.

I stared at my ceiling long enough that my alarm stopped by itself.

What in the world(s?) was happening to me? I couldn't remember more than once or twice having a continuing dream. Let alone it to continue one the same night from the same place I left off.

I ran a hand over my ear. Rounded, human, boring, _real_. Get a grip!

By the time I got ready for university, my mind cleared. By the time I finished breakfast and was off to school, I've almost forgotten his sad gaze. By the end of my first class, I was firmly back in my normal daily routine.

It wasn't until I was lying in bed, having gone to sleep at a much more reasonable time then the night before, that I thought about Solas again. I wondered if it was just my fix-it mentality. Or did I just overdo the gaming and fanfic reading and generally had too many of my thoughts occupied by the world of Thedas. Would I dream about him again?

I had a terrible fixation with canon. It was almost impossible to disregard it in my own stories. Others'? Sure, no problem. But those were always a little bit a world of their own.

Like how Somnium had many iterations in my head. And would probably get many more as I didn't seem to be able to settle over one true 'canon' for the Kaimelar.

I was still thinking about Somnium and its inhabitants when I finally nodded off to sleep.

 

***

 

I was filing my nails.

I was sitting on the top of a tall bookcase and I was filing my nails. My elven nails were as sharp as my human ones when they grew out long enough and I hated it when I scratched myself on them.

So I was filing my nails in Vir Dirthara… It was weird for me too.

The sun hasn't set yet here. Time in the Fade/Crossroads was off compared to my reality's timeline. It was nighttime at home, but it was barely past noon here.

Solas was going through a tower of big, leather-bound tomes below. I didn't think he noticed me being back yet. He was busy with his research and even though he wore his ancient Elvhen armor, as he bent over the tomes on his desk, writing a note here and there, he looked just like he used to in Skyhold, before I would land on his desk from jumping from the aviary.

I chuckled softly and tried to remember the Elvhen name of Skyhold. I managed to learn it after finding a few familiar syllables.

"Tarasyl'an Te'las." I liked how Elvhen rolled from my tongue. It gave me the same melodious feeling as French used to.

"Tarasyl' _an_ _Te_ 'las." I was sure my pronunciation was off, but Solas suddenly correcting me startled me back to the present.

"Tarasyl' _an_ _Te_ 'las," I repeated after him studiously with the correct inflexion.

"Better," he nodded and I beamed. "I did not truly expect that you would return."

I cocked my head to the side, like a cat. He was standing with his hands folded behind his back and a hint of amusement danced in his eyes.

"Was Skyhold the place where you created the Veil?" I asked. His amusement disappeared.

"Yes."

 _Thought so_.

"Tarasyl' _an_ _Te_ 'las," I repeated again. I was sure that if I wanted, I could create a spell from those words. 'Tarasyl' _an_ _Te_ 'las, may you be closed away.' Or something. 'May you be held back'? Like a barrier. That was more like it.

Solas kept studying me as I started mouthing the words without giving them sound and made weird hand motions as I tried to imagine how the Fade would need to bend and form around me to create a barrier. I was mixing the magic I bestowed upon my kaimelar characters with the magic of Thedas. It was tricky, to say the least.

Solas knew that it was working a split second before I did, probably from sensing the Fade bend to my will.

"Tarasyl' _an_ _Te_ 'las," I said and made a swiping gesture in front of me with my left hand. Solas' eyes went wide as a glimmering green barrier sprang up in front of me, like a shield. "Nice~!" I poked at it from my side. It stretched but sprang back into shape when I withdrew my hand.

"How did you do that?" Solas asked with barely veiled awe. "It's..."

"Let me guess, 'fascinating'?" I laughed at his irritated frown. I couldn't help winding him up. He still hadn't attacked me and I would probably never be afraid of him until he actually hurt me.

I jumped off the bookcase. He took an involuntary step forward as if trying to catch me before he saw my descent slow to a gentle floating. I flowed down to the stone floor much like a falling autumn leaf. The barrier held on, so I walked over to Solas to show him.

"I know an incantation of protection that originally has a place call 'Tara' in it. The rest was just association, I think," I explained. I offered up the barrier for him to examine. When he did not reach to touch it, I looked up. "What?"

"You... floated," he said.

"Yeah. So?" Was it that weird? "We're not in the waking world. It must be quiet normal to fly or float, no?" Judging by his expression, the answer was 'hell to the no'.

"It is possible in the Fade, though it is no way recommended to try. Such frivolity often draws the attention of demons," he said in that teacher/elder/professor tone of voice of his. "But we are not in the Fade."

"So? Are the Crossroads so different from the Fade?" I asked still not quite understanding. "I mean, there's some weird magic still lingering in this very library..."

He was shaking his head, and an amazed smile was pulling at the corner of his lips. For a moment I was distracted by the idea of what those lips felt like. Touching, kissing, tasting...

"Whatever magic you are capable of here is the same magic you would be capable of in the waking world," he said. It took a moment for his words to reach my lust drenched brain.

"Wait, what?!?" My gaze flicked back up to meet his. "You're saying that I could flit about in Thedas if I wanted to?" Woah, that would be so cool!

"I'm not sure what you mean by 'flit about' but yes, you could do the same floating _and_ barrier in Thedas as you can do here."

Amazing. I picked up my jaw and turned around finding a floating island to aim for. Then, barrier forgotten and dissolved, I ran toward the edge of the piece of Vir Dirthara we were currently on and jumped.

The momentum carried me forward a bit but I felt myself start to fall and heard Solas' startled cry. Magic, like a cool breeze, enveloped me and I laughed, my voice tinkling like bells instead of the normal guwaff I usually produced in my delight.

I stopped falling and floated about the air as if I was a fish in water. It was always easier to get a hand on flying if I started from a higher point and had space to fall. I moved my arms as if they were wings and after a strange feeling flooded them, I looked to see that I almost turned them into real wings. That won't do.

I shook them and the magical particles fell away. As I finally rose to be level with the room I jumped from, I spotted Solas standing on the edge staring at me, eyes wide and hands shaking.

"Aw, that was so nice of you, trying to protect me with a barrier. But you do realize there's nothing underneath to fall to, right? By the time I reached the ground, the barrier would've worn off," I laughed but the pain that flitted through Solas' expression brought me up short.

"Hey," I reached for his face as I walked over to him, still floating on the air. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. You know that right? I'm sorry..."

"Don't. Ever. Do that. Again." His voice was rough and full of emotions I did not understand. He stepped away before I could touch him, turning to walk back to his desk.

I was missing something. Something... bad... must've happened since the Exalted Council. But what? It hadn’t even been a year since then. What could've possibly...

"Wait!" I grabbed after him, burying fingers in the thick fur thrown over his shoulder. "What happened?"

He turned back with fury.

"What happened? You jumped off a building is what happened!" His voice was hard and cutting, but I could reach him finally and I cradled his face in my palm floating so we were eye to eye.

"No. What _happened_? Since the Exalted Council, since you took the Anchor from the Inquisitor, and gave them a little more time. _What happened?"_

His eyes were wide. He looked like a deer (a halla?) in the headlights. Then the wolf returned.

"'Them'? You know so much but you do not know the gender of the Inquisitor..." His eyes narrowed and his hand came up to remove mine from his face. My expression fell. I almost had him there. Almost... so close.

I pulled away to start floating/flying again, to head over to that floating island that was otherwise inaccessible, but he didn't let go of my hand. I pulled harder, he still didn't let go. So I glared at him. He just glared back.

"How do you know so much yet not some basic details?" He asked.

I didn't feel like answering. What could I have told him? That his life was just a game in my world? That I had a world so different from his? Just a game... I started humming.

He looked at me with drawn eyebrows. "What...?" He started but I reached the end of the musical intro and started singing for real.

"I have to keep reminding myself

 I'm not like anyone else

 That's my face on my ID

 That makes me V.I.P.

 No one exactly like this

 No one with my fingerprints

 No one can touch you like me

 No, I can't fake what you see"

I grinned even through the words. His face was priceless. And then I reached the chorus and I put all my willpower behind my word focusing on him.

"The sky is the limit

 And I just wanna float

 Free as a spirit on a journey of hope

 Cut the strings and let me go

 I'm weightless, I'm weightless~." He let me go with a startled yelp only for me to grab both his hands and pull.

"Millions of balloons tethered to the ground

 Weight of the world tries to hold us down

 Cut the strings and let us go

 We're weightless..." And we were off. He clung to my hand as we soared through the clear afternoon skies, like he was holding on to a lifeline. And I let that tinkling laughter of this elven body ring throughout the Shattered Library.

"Can you swim, Dread Wolf?" I asked, my grin stretching ear to ear, making my face hurt.

"Swim?!? We're... We're..." He was too shocked for words.

"Maybe walking is better for you then," I said remembering one story in which one could walk through the air while flying. I pulled him close as I straighten myself to standing, hovering in midair. "Straighten your legs, like standing. Feel the air. Imagine it's that tiny bit more solid under your feet then everywhere else."

He still stared at me wide-eyed but did as he was told and a moment later his grip on my hands turned from 'lifeline' to 'regaining one's balance'.

"Brilliant!" I said and pulled him along, walking through the air to the floating island with the writing desk and chair. When we landed, the breath he'd been holding left him in a rush and I had to pry his fingers off.

"That was... that was..." Yep, loss of words. The mighty Dread Wolf falls from the prospect of flying. He dropped into the chair to gather his wits and I hopped on to the desk next to him, grinning and still humming.

He buried his face in his hands but kept an eye on me through his fingers. His breathing slowly evened out and I watched him waiting for him to realize that we'd be doing that at least once more, on the way back.

"You know," I said. "I would’ve never thought that flying would be this stressful for the mighty Fen'Harel. Have you truly never flown before?"

"Not outside of the Fade, no." He said warily.

"Not even in the days of Arlathan?"

"Buildings were enchanted to float, not people."

"How boring," I frowned and jumped off the desk and started to walk away, on the air. Solas' hand lashed out to prevent me from leaving.

"Don't..." he began, and I could almost hear the unsaid 'leave me'. I stopped and reached out to touch the small scar on his forehead. Legend said that he got that scar when he removed his own vallaslin. Most evidence pointed toward it having been Mythal's.

"I thought I'd bring over that book you were studying. Wouldn't it be better working here, in the sun?" I asked.

He was studying my face the way I was studying his, his gaze was almost as heavy on my skin as my finger on his.

"What are you really?" He asked quietly as to not break the moment. "You are no spirit or demon, but I do not believe you to be an elf either."

I figured it was as good a time as any to give him some truths.

"I am either a very normal, very boring human girl, who is dreaming of things she wishes were real," I said. "Or a creature called kaimelar, a dreamer. Only in your world the people called somniari can only shape the Fade with their will. My world is much like I imagine yours was before the Veil. Or perhaps what the pure Fade is. But it is our reality and a somniari's powers are nothing compare to those of the Kaimelar."

I wondered if that made any sense. Defining the kaimelar was at the same time easy and difficult. The powers of the kaimelar were bound only by their imagination and willpower. Their creation was varied though. They were usually the souls who had served their roles in their stories and their worlds did not need them any longer.

That's why I knew that if I truly had the Kaimelara's powers, I could offer Solas a new life after his role was done. No matter what happened.

"To wield the power of the Fade uninhibited in the Waking world... Even in the days of Arlathan it would've been a rare talent. But now, with the Veil between the Fade and reality..." Solas seemed a bit shellshocked. It was time to loosen up a bit.

"What colour are my eyes?" I asked leaning closer.

"Wha..?" He came back from his contemplations and I could _feel_ his gaze on me again.

"I haven't seen a mirror (none magical portal kind) since I awoke in Vir Dirthara in this form," I explained. "I'm curious if my eyes are a different colour than what I'm used to. My hair is the same, but if I'm Kaimelara, they should be a specific colour. And change colour sometimes, I guess."

"Change colour? Why?" He was in scholar-mode and I couldn't quite hide my grin.

"Because of certain abilities I tied to certain conditions in my head," I said waving a hand. "It's not important now. What colour are they? Please?"

It was that small word, 'please'. Something shifted in his gaze at that. Something dark and predatory but not as scary as he had looked at our first meeting. Then his focus shifted and his eyes narrowed. I tried to hold my gaze steady.

"They're..." he began, then hesitated.

"If you say not light, I might throw you off this island," I said mildly. It was only meant as a half-joke though. One of my exes pulled that shit on me. Okay, I did have a tricky eye colour, but 'not light' was just lame.

"They look greenish. But only when the light hits them. They look more of a brown in the shade..." he said. He reached out a hand and held my chin turning my face this way and that, leaning closer, his gaze intent on his task. "Ah, yes, I see. Ringed. They are ringed, aren't they. Dark brown on the inside, a dark, mossy green on the outside. Interesting."

I grinned as his focus shifted back to just looking at me and spoke before I could stop myself.

"Why, hahren, you're offly close. Ready to be kissed," I said promptly pressing a quick peck between his furrowed eyebrows. He huffed as I straightened quickly, chuckling. "Ah, you should see your face. Blushing like a teenager."

He stood and tried to pretend that he was outraged but the small twitching of the corner of his lips fighting to curl upwards gave him away.

"We should head back. I still have research to do. If you'd be so kind..." He motioned back toward the central room.

I sighed. Boring hahren is boring. Old or not. No, wait, actually what little I knew about Solas, as a young man he had been quite fun.

"What are you researching anyway? What happened to the fun young Elvhen?" I asked. Then remembered. "No, wait, don't answer that. I remembered. Sorry to bring it up. Here, let me take you back," I said quickly, offering him my hand.

He looked at me strangely, calculating again, probably just how much I actually knew. But he did take my proffered hand and at my urging started walking. It was easier to use a story's magic instead of my own and we walked back to the central room as easily as if there was an actual path.

He did let out a soft sigh of relief as his feet touched solid ground again. I hid my smile and remained silent.

As he returned to his research, I wondered about the room. I could feel his gaze on me whenever I neared one of the Eluvians, but only the one he came through the previous night was active. I couldn't quite make out what was beyond it but I recognized that it wasn't the stone path it led to when I came through here with my Inquisitor.

I gave up on trying to fly around again, lest I give my ageing 'hahren' a heart attack. Instead, I browsed the books next. I found the memory/book of the '???' chapter of Hard in Hightown. And managed to worry my dear 'hahren' just the same.

I was crying and I hadn't noticed that I had been crying until kind hands cupped my cheeks and wiped the tears away with slightly calloused thumbs. I blinked up at Solas. He looked worried but ready to comfort. His eyes held a deep sorrow that answered mine.

"They left Alistair behind..." I said, my voice breaking as I dropped the book and drove for Solas. He held me as I cried my heart out. Alistair had been the only one I would never ever leave behind in the Fade with the Nightmare demon. Second closest was a Hawke who romanced Fenris and that only because of Fenris. But I tried to set up worldstates so I'd never had to choose between Hawke and _Alistair_.

That precious cinnamon roll. And now I remembered what else might have happened. Did Morrigan have a child? Was Kieran fathered by Alistair? Would the boy never meet his father? Growing up fatherless was never any fun.

"You knew about the choice in the Fade. But not the decision..." Solas sighed, his breath stirred the hair on the top of my head. "What other incomplete knowledge are you hiding?"

"The operative word here is 'incomplete'," I sniffed. "I saw many possibilities, from the Hero of Ferelden joining the Grey Wardens to the day that you took the Anchor from the Inquisitor. Some choices are certain, some paths are inevitable, but the... ‘ _flavour’_ , for lack of a better word, can be different."

I took a deep breath and Solas' scent filled my senses. He still smelled vaguely of Elfroot, or something green and herby. But mostly he smelled of old books, magic and wolf. And hurt and pain and _blood_.

I untangled myself from him and looked up at him. His gaze met mine, worry still clear in his eyes but now suspicion and relief warred and a deep hurt that would've made Cole cry out in pain.

"I want to go to the Fade," I declared. "Take me, please. I do not know how to enter it. Mind or body, it doesn't matter to me. But please take me there."

It was like a door slamming shut. Solas' expression darkened, then became the often referenced polite mask I had not seen before in all my time spent here.

"No."

And just like that he stood and went back to his desk. No explanation, no more words, just 'no'. I stared after him, agape. I was kneeling on the floor, sitting on my feet, hands dropped to my sides, and stared at the fur-clad back of the wolf.

"What do you mean 'no'?!?" I was outraged. The anger getting a grip on me so suddenly, I was on my feet and moving before I realized what I was about to do. "I have questions that need answers and the Fade would answer them all in an instant! Why wouldn't you help me to get there?!?" I shouted at him.

He didn't even flinch. Just pretended that he didn't hear me and shuffled his papers around.

"I'm going to burn this fucking library to the ground if you keep ignoring me like that!!" I was way too loud, even to my own ears, my voice echoed through the halls.

"And here I thought you were a grown woman. At least old enough not to throw childish temper tantrums," he said mildly, not looking at me, never raising his voice. "My mistake, da’len."

Da’len? _Da’len_?!? Did he just call me a _child_ now?!? I'd show him what a ' _da’len_ ' has thought up, or possibly _went through_ , whatever was the truth in this reality.

I grabbed him by his furs and turned him to face me. He was already readying a more firm dismissal, when I clamped my hands on each side of his temples, closed my eyes and _remembered_.

 

It came in flashes as memories really work. More feelings and senses and emotions than clear pictures or a movie.

 

*

 

Fagora reading in her library, the fire crackling in the fireplace, calm and warm. Paul walking in and planting a kiss on her head before lips find each other.

 

Chris and Brian chatting in the garden, by the rosebushes in full bloom. Chis is cutting half a dozen to bring to the Princess' room, Brian pricks his finger in his haste to help. Chris’s smile is quiet as he produces a bandage.

 

Joseph, in his butler uniform keeping half an eye on the young boy, Erik, running around, helping the maids. He would never let the boy come to any harm. He doesn't know if the protective feeling comes from his love for the boy's mother or from how the young lad reminds him of his own family he lost.

 

Jennie and Janet, the twins, having a one-sided argument about what kind of dress they should prepare for the Princess' coronation. Jennie is adamant on pure white. Janet is quietly trying to remind her sister that it is not appropriate when the wedding is a week later.

 

Margaret preparing dinner, stirring the pot of hearty soup as she watches Joseph and Erik play in the herb garden. The straight-laced butler is trying to keep the boy from completely becoming a mud-creature, while Erik's showing him all the herbs and spices he learned about from Chris.

 

Brian talking with Paul, as they tend to the horses, joking about how a Prince really shouldn't have to mingle with the help. Their laughter is equal at the absurdity of the notion. They are family, all of them finding a home under the protection of the Kaimelara.

 

*

 

The memories turn darker then.

 

*

 

Fagora, holding a sword pointed at Paul, her hands shaking, her eyes fierce and feverish. Darkness swirls around her, more vile than any demon of the Fade. _Never, never, never, never._ It is not the sword that breaks but the girl. With a shriek there are now two princesses wearing the same face. One's eyes glow bright green before she collapses. The other's are glowing bright red and she laughs with triumph before disappearing into the Shadows.

 

The two princesses facing off. And injured Paul, unconscious behind the green-eyed one, Faye. _Over my dead body_. The red-eyed one, Raven, laughs darkly. _We can fix that._ The sword runs Faye through. Raven is shocked as her other half reaches out to cup her cheeks. _You're not alone. We are one._ The broken soul is whole again.

 

The Darkness that almost consumed the kingdom recedes and the land knows peace again.

 

*

 

Happy memories take over from sorrow, than sorrow from happiness until there's only loss and grief.

 

*

 

There's a wedding, Fagora in pure white, Paul holding her like he's never going to let go.

 

The tiny princeling’s cries cut through the night. The happy parents smile down at the infant. _Braer_. He'll be strong and he'll be brave. A protector, like his father.

 

Paul fights the Darkness, keeping back the Shadows. Fagora's magic can only do so much, while with child for the second time. Her magic wanes and the Darkness almost triumphs, but twin girls are born, their bond strong, their magic flaring brighter than the sun. The Darkness is defeated once again.

 

Cathy and Lina are crying in fear. Their magic is not strong enough yet to keep them safe. Braer is but eight and every inch of him is the protective older brother his parents wanted him to be, but the Loyal fall and even his father, Paul cannot hold against the Darkness.

 _I'll see you again, I promise_. His mother says and bids him to protect his little sisters before sending them far, far away to be safe from the Shadows.

 

Fagora stands alone in the ruins of her kingdom. The Darkness, like the hole in the sock, tore through and ate up all of her world, only to disappear with it. She stands on a hill, surrounded by eight archways only one of which is still standing.

She vows to return. She knows the price that must be paid, but with this, the souls she'd saved, those who are Kaimelar, will always live on.

She steps through the portal and does not look back.

 

*

 

I let go of Solas' head and staggered back. I felt the tears still wet on my face but my eyes had already dried. The story of the First Child was incomplete but not without tragedies. And so much pain even love cannot simply overcome.

I heard a soft sob and I looked up to see Solas had staggered back, one hand was holding the edge of the desk for support and the other covered his mouth. His eyes were full of tears and the look of compassion almost hurt as much as reliving the memories in such a powerful way.

Suddenly it was very hard to remember that all of this was just a dream.

"I..." I had to clear my throat, my voice came out so horse. "I shouldn't have..." I tried again, only to be torn from my dream by the sound of my alarm.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So that’s what the Fade is like. Also, unexpected results of dreaming.

I gasped awake but managed to get to the alarm this time, before it stopped. I had to wipe tears from my eyes to be able to see the screen of my phone. Two new emails. One ad, one note from the uni about the upcoming sports day.

I sighed and flopped back on my back. What the actual fuck was happening to me? This was not just some brain fever from too much gaming or reading. I’ve _never_ dreamt this clearly or bright, or remembered so much.

I remembered every detail of my dream like it really happened. I remembered the memories I shared with Solas, _like they really happened_. They were supposed to be just a story I liked to work on in my head when I couldn't fall asleep at night.

Not this real and visceral memory they had turned into. _Oh Braer, my brave little boy_.

Wait, no! Braer was imaginary. He didn't exist any more than the rest of the Kaimelar. It was just the idle fancy of a lonely mind. All of it.

I was going crazy... Maybe I should see about finding a therapist or a doctor... Maybe a doctor would be a better idea if these weird dreams continued...

 

I spent my day in a haze. I kept catching myself doodling the royal seal of the Kaimelara on everything that got near me and my pen. My Mum promised once that I could ask for a custom jewellery and I had drawn the first concept art of Fagora's amulet. It never got made and given how bad I was at drawing it really did not improve over the years. Barely more than a weird triangle, every bit on it had a meaning.

I stared at my newest drawing of it in my notebook. I had even coloured it for fuck’s sake. Maybe I should get it 3D printed. Although the only public 3D printer shop I knew had closed down or moved away. And I couldn't for the love of me make a 3D model of it myself.

That night I put off sleeping as long as I dared. I had the first test of the two due that week the next day but I knew that sleep deprivation rarely played any role in my exam results. I either slept enough, or had enough sleep banked that I never really got hampered by skipping most of a night. It was only the first hour of the day that started hard, the rest would always fall into place.

So it wasn't until way after midnight I finally turned off my reading light and another hour or more by the time I fell asleep.

 

***

 

I was making jewellery. The small amount of silver I was provided with turned out to be way too soft, but I managed to get some Silverite instead, which was hard to work into the finely detailed shape I wanted. I had to apply copious amounts of magic to shape the lettering on the sides of the triangle and the details of the eye in the middle. The shape and the eye were designed after Gnomish lettering. The words were Latin representations of the connection between the people that the precious stones would represent in each corner.

Blue sapphire on top for Paul, green emerald on the left for Faye, red ruby on the right for Raven. I was just finished with the sockets for the gems when the cut stones arrived.

"It is a very fine work, milady," the master jeweller said as he appraised the finished product.

"Do you think it'll hold against everyday wear and tear?" I asked worried that if I was to wear it every day, the gems would fall out or the lettering would wear away.

"Without a doubt. Your magic is strong, milady, and since it's finished, it'll need no care beyond what you've already done." I felt pride swell in my chest at the Master's words. I did that. I made that amulet. It was a symbol of hard work and power and magic and hope.

I felt proud at having finally finished it. I had worked on it for so long... so... long...? Something felt... off. As I clutched the amulet to my chest I felt my head begin to clear. Something laughed in a deep voice that I enjoyed hearing so often, yet now, hearing it in real life, I was chilled to the bone by the sound.

"Yes, you should feel proud. It's a great achievement. You've finally finished your masterpiece, milady." I didn't dare to turn around, knowing I would not find the Master jeweller standing behind me.

The Pride demon chuckled again.

"Oh? It turned out even more powerful that I've thought. You _should_ be proud of it." I heard it move and I whirled around holding the amulet out in front of me as if it was a weapon. It was a lot of things, but a weapon was not one of them.

"Stay back, demon!" My voice was more of a terrified shriek than the authoritative command I went for. The smithy disappeared from around us and I was left trembling in the raw Fade, trying to fend off an amused Pride demon.

A hand descended on my shoulder then and I almost cried out in horror, but for the scent that followed the light touch. Wolf. _Solas_.

"Leave, demon. Your presence is not welcome."

His voice came from far away and melted into being much as I imagine the whole of him did, if I was judging by the look of absolute terror blossoming on the face of the Pride demon. I had never seen a demon terrified before. Not that many of their faces lent themselves to expressing emotions properly. Watching a Pride demons many eyes widen in fear and his armor shake with its terror was quite a sight though.

It left without as much as a sound.

"Tha--" My voice broke and I had to take a couple of steadying breaths before I could speak. "Thank you, Solas." I chuckled at the irony. ‘ _Pride’_ saving me from a Pride demon.

"You shouldn't be here," his voice was hard in my ear, and I started to turn around to face him and explain, but he stopped me with his other hand on my other shoulder.

"Solas..."

" ** _Wake up._** "

 

***

 

I gasped and flailed in my bed, managing to knock something to the floor before I found the lightswitch.

The Fuck! How could that stupid wolf wake me up? _Into my own reality!_ I was going to have to talk to Mum about this. Gran would probably just freak and ban me from using the computer. Which I needed for studying. Yeah, I was twenty-six years old and I lived with my Grandma and she had enough power over me to ban me from using my own PC. I know, I was pathetic. I sure did feel like it.

I sat up and bent down to hunt for whatever I had knocked over before I forgot and would only find when I was cleaning under my bed... in a few months or so...

The object was just under the chair I used as a makeshift bedside table with a small shelf on it for a smooth surface. It was on a chain. It was a necklace. An amulet.

 _The Royal seal of the Kaimelara_.

 _My_ amulet.

I gaped at it even though it was very much real and had a soft weight as it lay in my palm. A small silver-coloured triangle with coloured stones in each corner. I put it on and went about my morning routine. It was only an hour or so too early for me to get up. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again anyway.

I was in denial.

I showed the amulet to Gran. She asked where it came from. I said I bought it. She asked how much was it. I said a tiny price to please her. She hummed in approval and told me not to wear it at school.

I was still reeling from the revelation that she could see it. It wasn't just a hallucination of my sick brain. My mind was probably fine.

I went through another day like a zombie. The test was fine and I only had to survive another night and day before Mum would come over for the weekend. I swore off sleeping until I talked to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comment and the kudos. It makes writing and sharing this make me feel that much happier.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traipsing through the forest.

Coffee is kind of a magical thing. In my family, it's genetically encoded in us that if we consume caffeine and go to sleep _right_ after, we have the best rest ever. If however, we stay awake long enough for the caffeine to kick the ‘awake-center’ of the brain instead of the ‘sleeping-center’, it works like normal.

I drank a milky half-decaf concoction that tasted creamy and maybe a bit caramelly. It was yummy and carried just enough caffeine that I couldn't drink it about four hours before sleep or I just lay awake in bed, my mind running in circles.

I prepared and drank a litre of that stuff. I usually have two mugs during the whole day, one after breakfast and one after lunch. I spent most of that night reading and trying really hard not to nod off in the dark. Sitting at my desk with the lights on was off limits because Gran would shout at me and force me into bed. It was the longest night of my life.

And I was a 'no-sleep before travelling day' kind of girl so that was hard to achieve.

Eventually, the sun came up and I could pretend that I just couldn't sleep any longer. The dark circles under my eyes were not too obvious.

Another day at uni, another test. This one was actually easier because it was practical. I zoned out during one of the lectures though and almost fell asleep. I jerked fully awake so hard I got laughed at a bit by the class. I didn't mind. I was preoccupied with being terrified that I would enter the Fade or the Crossroads again.

Or worse, Thedas!

If I managed to bring an object through from the Fade what else could I possibly transfer? Thinking about it was enough to keep me awake for the rest of the day until I could finally get my mother alone.

I showed her the necklace.

She gaped and cheered. She knew about my stories of the Kaimelar, although she only read one of the two I had written down. But she knew about Paul. She would understand.

So I told her about Solas. And the Vir Dirthara and the Fade.

She did not react as well as I hoped.

In the end, she made me promise not to play any more Dragon Age, not to read the fanfics or look at the art, and generally get as far from it all as possible. And try to get some sleep. It was the weekend, I could sleep in, but as Gran always said, the most restful time is before midnight. I acquiesced to heed her words and was off to sleep by 9 p.m.

I was convinced that I would not be able to fall asleep for a long time if only from the sheer anxiety of what might happen, of what I might dream about again, but...

I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

 

***

 

Solas greeted me jovially. He was far too kind and far too _pleasant_ for the charade to have fooled me for one second. I felt the amulet heat slightly against my skin from its place beneath my Sera-knock off clothes.

Good, I had the amulet with me. Even if I ended up in the Fade again.

"Begone," I said and put a bit of willpower behind the words. The demon's Solas disguise melted away and I was not too surprised to find its true form to be that of a Desire demon. I was in denial about a lot of things. My attraction to Solas wasn't one of them.

"And we could've had such great fun," the disappointed(?) demon crooned in that lovely voice. Okay so _she_ wasn't too bad looking in her real form either. But I was tired and grumpy and pissed off that I was right and Mum was wrong and I was back in the Fade.

"I said fuck off!" my voice actually staggered her this time and she let out a disgruntled shriek before disappearing.

I sighed. The setting of my bedroom dissolved and I looked around the raw Fade dismayed. What now? I could've used the Fade... Create illusions and dreams. But somehow the idea felt revolting. I could make a real(er) model of Somnium, but I did not trust the Fade with those memories. I could remember my real life memories, but I didn't especially care for those and without someone to show them to, I didn't feel like it was worth the effort.

I wanted Solas to find me again. So I could show _him_. The Fade was where people usually showed him stuff. Although I could share memories in the Vir Dirthara just as easily. Hehh... stupid Fade.

In the end, I set out to find him in the Fade if he was here. I had a vague sense that he was. A slight pull when I thought of him hard enough. And the faint scent of wolf.

I did not realize I had found him until I heard his voice growling in my ear.

"Do not move."

I froze in place. Something was off and I couldn't quite place it. It wasn't a threat, yet it was. I could taste the solution on the tip of my tongue but...

"You should not have returned," he growled the words, sounding more like a wolf than ever. "You should not walk the Fade. You know not of the dangers within."

I wanted to interject that ‘I was fine, thank you, just banished a Desire demon, who had worn your face, just a few minutes ago,’ but he spoke again before I could face him, his words rushed and filled with such power it was palpable.

" _Wake Up!_ "

I caught a glimpse of him, in his wolf form, huge and monstrous with gleaming fangs and bloodied paws before his words physically pushed me back and everything dissolved around me.

 

**

 

I had woken with a start so often in the past week that I barely let out a gasp this time. I was also hindered in the theatrics by not being fully, physically present as soon as my mind. By the time my elven body materialized, I was more taken with the fact, that I had watched it form from pure greenish light, than the indignity of being woken by Solas for the second time in a row.

He filled in for me.

He sat up right beside me with a soft grown and a sour face. Until he saw me sitting there, right by his side. Which made him almost jump out of his skin.

Of which there was a surprising amount on display. Who would ever sleep shirtless in the woods if he had no fire going or a tent for shelter? Even in the height of what felt like summer.

Interesting, time _did_ flow differently here.

I was still staring at his sculpted chest and what little was visible of his stomach when he finally pulled on his tunic. Damn, I was enjoying the show. The Desire demon knew me too well.

"Pinch me," I told him.

"What?"

"Pinch me. So I would know if I'm really awake or this is just another trick of the Fade or if I'm actually, just normally, dreaming."

He pinched my side without warning and I jumped a foot high as he hit my most ticklish spot. "Holy sh--eetmusic!" I swore. He raised an eyebrow and shrugged on the rest of his hobo apostate get up.

I frowned.

"Why aren't you wearing your Elvhen armor? You know, with the knee-faces..."

A surprised laugh burst from him and he had to gather up his bedroll again having dropped it.

"'Knee-faces'?"

"Well, they are though, aren't they? Look like the most ridiculous armor design ever. Along with the tiny toe-guards. Seriously, just wear boots or something." I shrugged at his amused eyebrow action. "To be fair they looked just as ridiculous on Abelas."

He stopped his movements for a moment, growing very serious and very silent. Then he finished up panicking and started through the forest.

Getting him to talk was as hard as ever, so I just shrugged and fell into step beside him, my feet still a few inches above the ground. Sweet!

"So, where are we going?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me, as always.

" _We_ aren't going anywhere," he said. Touchy~… Oh well.

"Fine. Where are _you_ going then, oh Great Dread Wolf?" He snorted at the mockery of the title but refused to answer.

So I resigned myself to keep pace with him and try to figure out where we were and where we were headed by the environment.

We were heading south, judging by the sun. And we were in a _very_ green and lush forest. Brown bunny piglets scattered by the dozen when we stumbled upon a group of them and I kept feeling a low buzz in the air.

Magic? Was that what magic felt like here, locked away from the Fade?

"We're in the Emerald Graves, aren't we? Heading for the Arbor Wilds. You're going to see Abelas, aren't you?" I said. Solas stopped in his track for a moment then continued on as if he hadn't heard me.

I huffed and fell into step a few paces behind him. To better appreciate the view, you understand.

It was boring. After I looked my fill of the amazing greenery, caught and snuggle a wild nug, played with its tiny hand-feet, and followed the silent Solas, walking for well after noon, I was bored.

So I started to sing. To myself, but not quietly. I could never get the notes right when I tried to sing quietly. Not that I should've worried about it. My elven voice was clearer, sharper and much better at hitting the right notes.

"Mercy for the elves, Who guide us through the night..." I couldn't quite remember the lyrics, so most of the song consisted of sound alone. Solas' ears twitched when he heard me start up, but he didn't stop, didn't turn. So I continued on until we stopped for lunch.

He sat down on a fallen log and unpacked some kind of dried meat and some bread. After a moment of hesitation, he offered me a piece.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." He looked at me warily but after that continued to ignore me.

I studied him. It was different, seeing him as a real person. I kept trying to make comparisons, but really I couldn't. He looked the same and didn't and in his "hobo apostate" get up the comparison was sharper. Memories swelled and I hadn't noticed him talking to me until he laid a gentle hand on my arm.

"Are you all right?"

Hey, he _did_ care!

"Yeah, just remembering stuff..." I trailed off and started humming again.

"You like singing," he observed.

I stopped humming.

"Yes. But I don't know the words for many songs. Wait, do you know this one?" I asked and started singing "I am the one" with the Elvhen lyrics. It took me painfully long to learn, but I was very proud of it. I wondered how bad my pronunciation was.

Judging by Solas' expression, not too bad.

"Yes..." His voice trailed off and he sighed. Not waiting for the song to finish, he packed up the left overs and started walking again.

"Hey, that's not fair!" I griped but followed him anyway.

The rest of the day passed uneventful and I watched as he ate his meager dinner, made his bed and lay down to sleep.

I wasn't tired one bit and I wasn't hungry, or thirsty. I would've been worried, except I unconsciously decided that dream logic applied to my state here, so not experiencing normal physical needs was fine.

I could've downed some frilly little cakes though.

Solas turned to me in his bedroll, watching me, sitting cross-legged, watching him. He sighed and lifted his blanket.

"Come here."

My eyes went wide and I actually hesitated.

"I don't think that would be a good idea. Besides, I'm not tired. I'll keep watch, so you're safe while travelling the Fade," I said, a bit breathless. I wanted to join him, but I really didn't trust myself.

He regarded me carefully, his steel blue eyes seeing down to my soul. Then he bid me good night in Elvhen and turned away.

I kept watch, and my mind wandered. I wasn't cold. The night was crisp and Solas refused to build a fire, opting for being less noticeable and I breathed deeply from the green scented forest air. I would've like to sing again, perhaps a lullaby, but by the time I decided on one, Solas' breathing evened out and I did not want to disturb him.

I did not dare to sleep or dream myself. I was a bit afraid of entering the Fade, but mostly I feared of waking up at home, back to my oh-so-normal life.

In the end, I ended up practising my flight, soaring above the treeline and nestling into the curve of the top branches, watching Satina bright and full and inexplicably huge on the sky compared to the tinier Luna.

 

***

 

I awoke to a worried Solas shouting my name, and I promptly fell out of the trees. I barely grabbed control back over my magic before smashing my face on the forest floor. Instead, my speedy descent stopped a foot or so above ground, the air knocked out of me with a huff.

"What's your problem?!" I complained as I tentatively regained my footing, actually placing my feet on the ground. Solas didn't answer and when I looked up at him, he looked so pale, so worried that the sharp complaint I was about to throw at him, got stuck in my throat.

"Hey, I'm fine, I'm here," I reached for him without conscious thought, but he jerked away and started packing up as if nothing happened.

I huffed again in irritation, but couldn't really stay angry at him. So I set out to irritate him instead. He hadn't bit my head off yet...

"So, you've seen the Inquisitor lately?" I asked. I was prepared to get my answers from his subtle reactions if not from his words. His whole body stiffened at the mention of the Inquisitor, but he didn't stop packing and then he set off through the trees.

It was harder to follow him on foot, but I didn't have the concentration to float again today. Everything still had a bit of dream quality and I spent most of the morning rearranging my thoughts.

I had shown him the memories of the Kaimelara and then disappeared on him only ever to be seen again in the Fade before yesterday. And he didn't even mention it. Haven't asked a question or anything.

I had appeared out of thin air, in the waking world for the first time and beyond being startled by my presence, he didn't say anything, again. I had been careless about my inquiries and he didn't get angry. He appeared to act as if I wasn’t really here.

"You do realize that I'm real, yeah?" I caught up with him to walk beside him.

Solas didn't react.

"I'm still not a spirit or demon or ghost or such..." He didn't say anything just kept on walking. I huffed and started humming the song that made me feel like flying. He missed a step at the sound of it but righted himself the next and studiously avoided looking back at me.

I chuckled evilly but didn't say anything.

I didn't notice myself getting tired. I watched my feet for a while, how the soles didn't complain at the rough terrain. The leaves were soft to walk on, but they more often than not hid broken twigs and sharp rocks underneath.

Still, I could walk barefoot through the forest without any difficulty.

As I studied the unmarked path, Solas was taking, suddenly the ground tilted and came up to meet me. I crumpled to the forest floor before realizing what was happening.

I blinked and found Solas' worried face above me.

"Fagora?" He was kneeling beside me and passed a glowing hand over my face. I made an annoyed sound.

"Am I waking up? No, it doesn't feel like waking up..." I mumbled, my words slurring. "And it was such a nice dream too, walking through the Emerald Graves with a grumpy ancient Elvhen."

I felt so weak. I couldn't lift my arm. I could barely draw breath for speaking.

"You're exhausted," Solas declared. "Why haven't you said anything?"

"I didn't feel tired..." I whispered, my eyes drooping. It was still early. I shouldn't have...

Then I did start to disintegrate. I watched as Solas grabbed for my hand and it just flaked away into tiny pieces of green light. His face was a study in sheer terror.

"Don't worry, harhen. I'll be back," I said, my voice echo-y and distant. "But if we meet in the Fade, don't wake me up..."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes and we meet more people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, life happened. A lot of exciting life happened. And keeps happening. Sorry for the long wait. And that I can't promise regular updates.

I opened my eyes at the sound of our German Shepherd, Shaba whining and scratching at my door. I grumbled irritable as I got up, half my mind still in the dream. I let her out into the garden to do her business and fingered my amulet while I waited for her in the door.

It was still just spring here, the nights were still cold and the weather often rainy. Tonight the sky was cloudless, however, and I gazed at the full moon wistfully. It was so tiny compared to Satina.

I looked over the yard bathed in the silver light of the moon and wondered what Solas would make of our world. "Fascinating," he would say... Probably.

I chuckled as Shaba returned and we went back inside.

I lay in my bed for a long time before I gave up on falling asleep again and got up to rummage around for supplies I would like to try to bring with me. It was a tricky thing. My amulet had travelled with me, but not my night clothes. Would anything else? The amulet didn't even belong in my reality...

In the end, I gave up and fell back into bed with my mp3-player, listening to music and inexplicably falling asleep after all.

 

***

 

I didn't dream. I haven't dreamt for days.

At first, I thought that maybe I had just tired myself out so much that I was sleeping too deeply. But more and more days passed without even my normal dreams, and I started to get worried.

I talked to my Mum about it, but, well-meant as it was, she just thought it just proved her theory that I've just overdone the gaming, and now, that I haven't interacted with the games anymore, I didn't dream about them.

I kept wearing my amulet at all times though.

I was still anxious, as life picked up and days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. I had gotten a scholarship to study abroad in Japan for a year, and spent the whole summer preparing for it, thinking about Solas and Thedas and Dragon Age less and less.

 

**

 

I had been in Japan for two months, and it had been Halloween, when I had fallen asleep in the lounge of our dormitory, after watching horror movies all night with our little group of European exchange students. And I found myself in a forest so green, it took me a long moment to realize that I was in the Arbor Wilds and not in the Fade.

I was back in Thedas.

With its bright plants and colourful birds, it looked like something straight out of the Fade. But the air felt different and as my hand drifted up to my ears to check their pointiness, I heard footsteps not too far to my right.

Since I had always appeared next to Solas before, I spent little time wondering if it was him or not, and just ran off after the faint sound. I burst from the greenery, indeed finding Solas, crouched over what I thought might've been some kind of tracks on the ground.

I glomped him with little regard to how he may react. "I'm ba~ack! I'm so~ sorry it took me so long, but I'm ba-"

I almost got incinerated as he threw a fireball in reflex. But the fire just swished harmlessly around me before being absorbed by my amulet. Solas was next to me in the next moment.

"Are you harmed?" He asked, his hands running over my exposed skin, frantically trying to reassure himself that I was whole.

"Nice to see you too, hahren," I mocked and danced out from under his hands. It gave me too many indecent ideas.

He stood still then, bewildered and reassured at the same time.

"You've returned," he said.

"Yep. I _did_ promise," I grinned and winked at him. "I'm really sorry it took so long. I don't know what happened..."

He sighed and a range of emotions played over his face that I couldn't keep up with. Wow, he really _had_ been worried. Maybe I'll be able to win over his heart after all?

"Say, hahren, would you...?" I began in a cheeky tone, but was cut short by an arrow whooshing past my face a hitting Solas squarely in the right shoulder. He just grunted and dropped to one knee, surprise taking over his face after an aborted hand movement.

He couldn't cast, I realised. The arrow must've been laced with Magebane.

" _Tarasyl'an Te'las_!" I called my own barrier up around us just in time to catch two more arrows. My barrier stretched a bit but knocked the arrows back. "Solas, are you all right?"

I didn't care about our attackers at that moment. My barrier would hold until I released it. But Solas was swaying and I wasn't sure that I could do healing magic.

I caught the Elvhen as he listed to one side and drew him into my arms to get to the arrow. Fuck! It hit the joint straight up. Fuckfuckfuck!!!

Okay, I had to calm down. I could do this if I could just remember... Healing, something healing... I must know some kind of healing poem or song...

_Oh!_

"Flower gleam and glow, let your power shine," I half sobbed half sang as I grabbed the arrow shaft and readied myself to yank it out. "Make the clock reverse, bring back what once was mine."

I yanked and Solas cried out in pain before his eyes rolled back and he lost consciousness. Fuck! Stay with me, old wolf!

"Heal what has been hurt," I sang on, covering his bleeding shoulder with my left hand. "Change the fate's design. Save what has been lost, bring back what once was mine... what once was mine~"

It worked. It fucking worked! The wound stopped bleeding, then it grew smaller and smaller under my glowing hand, and once all the golden light was absorbed, Solas came to with a soft moan and blinked his stormy-grey eyes open.

"Hey~! Welcome back, hahren!" I said and sniffed. I didn't even realize that I was crying.

"Who are you?!" a voice asked and I jerked my head up to find at least a dozen Sentinels around my barrier, their arrows trained on us. Abelas was standing just behind them. "Who are you, girl, to protect the Dread Wolf, harbinger of the end of our world?"

Well... that was... different.

"Abelas," I said and he looked a bit taken aback by my casual knowledge of his name. "All due respect and all, but... What. _The._ **_Fuck?!?!"_**

Solas huffed a laugh in my lap and I looked down at him.

"It's not funny!" I said. "I thought he knew you were not the bad guy. And you, why was it so easy to take you down?!? I thought you had most of your powers back by now! What with the shit you pulled with Flemyth-..." My voice trailed off at the shocked and pained look of Solas. And as what I was saying really sank in. "Oh..."

"Oh, indeed." Abelas was _not_ amused. "He killed what remained of our Goddess and then he comes here to try to take what power is left."

 _'The gall!_ ' I could almost hear in Corypheus' voice.

I giggled.

"Shit, Solas," I tried very hard to stay serious, but we were at a kind of ridiculous impasse. "Just what in the world happened after the Exalted Council? It hasn't even been a year."

Yeah, Solas wasn't so amused anymore. He pushed up from my lap into a sitting position and studiously avoided my gaze.

"Solas?"

"Indeed. You are still good at deception, Fen'Harel," Abelas said, his voice dripping with hatred. I didn't even realise he was capable of such deep loathing. Then I remembered what he was like if you did not respect the Temple.

"It has been four years since the defeat of Corypheus and two years since the Exalted Council," Abelas informed me in a cold voice. "And less than six months since the death of the woman, who had once been called the Herald of Andraste."

I froze. What? Solas... outright lied to me? But...

"Why?" My voice sounded so small. Solas flinched but did not move and did not look at me. Fuck this.

"Please, tell me about the Inquisitor, Abelas."

He walked closer to my barrier but did not touch it. He regarded me with sad eyes. He looked cold, but also as though he pitied me more.

"She had been of Clan Lavellan," he said and when I cringed he smiled wryly. "She had fallen for Fen'Harel's charms and even after learning of his plans, she had set out to redeem him. She gave her life after all of her friends, allies and companions had been lost to the Wolf's jaws. Take care, little spirit, or he'll break you too."

I was stunned. I was in shock. I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

Everyone was dead?  EVERYONE? It wasn't just later than Solas had led me to believe, but also, not just the Inquisitor, but all of the Inner Circle... were... dead? How? Why? When? Why? WHY???

I must've made some kind of noise because Solas was getting up and while he did not try to touch me, he spoke to me quietly.

"Lower your barrier."

 _No_. Na-ah. No freaking way was I going to let him commit suicide-by-sentinel. And why were they still around? Haven't they left after the Well was drunk?

"Who drank from the Well of Sorrows?" I jumped to my feet and walked right up to the edge of my barrier, in front of Abelas.

"Lady Lavellan," the Sentinel replied readily.

"You joined the Inquisition, didn't you?" He nodded. "When?"

"After it was officially disbanded."

Ah.

Oh, shit.

"Lower your barrier." Solas sounded more authoritative now, but I still disregarded him. I needed information and I wasn't sure whom to trust to ask. Apparently, he wasn't trustworthy anymore. _He_ didn't use to outright lie! What _happened_?!?

"Has part of Mythal returned to the Temple?" I asked. There were gasps, but both Abelas and Solas only stiffened. The sentinel remained silent, but his silence was answer enough.

I nodded and nodded again. Right, okay... right...

It was then, that I felt the soft tingle of waking up and I looked at my hands with alarm. I was disintegrating into green light particles again. And so was my barrier.

Solas tried to move, to get out of the barrier, I guess, to draw them away from me or just get to the end of his journey and I grabbed at him with all my willpower, sinking my fingers into his wrist.

"You do NOT get away with your shit this easily anymore," I snarled as everything around me dissolved into bright green light.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, he goes with her.

I sat up on the couch with a gasp, my fingers still closed tightly around... a wrist?!? With a distressed cry, Solas materialized between me and the coffee table.

In the dormitory's lounge.

In reality.

I screamed.

This wasn't real. It couldn't be real! Bringing an object through from a dream, from the Fade, was one thing. Bringing a person? All the way from Thedas? No. Just nope. This wasn't happening.

Solas made an aborted move before slipping from my grip and crumpling to the floor. Luckily, I realized the weight of what I had done, and, even in my panic and denial, I was crawling off of the couch and throwing my arms around him.

"Breathe, just breathe through it!" I tried to calm him. "It's all right. Just breathe."

Solas was hyperventilating, and I knew it must've been because there was no magic here. No Fade, no Veil, no magic.

With a stroke of brilliance, I yanked off my amulet and pulled it over his head. He gasped as if he just took his first clear lungful of air after almost drowning. He was shaking like a leaf and I hugged him tight for comfort.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Shhhh... just breathe through it," I sobbed against his shoulder. "I shouldn't have brought you here. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to---. I'm sorry..."

Eventually, we both calmed.

"Where are we?" Solas asked after regaining some of his composure.

"In Japan, in my reality," I said. "I didn't want to leave you to the tender mercies of the Sentinels. I must've pulled you along with me."

"There is no magic here," he said. His voice was so rough, my heart ached just listening to it.

"Yeah... Sorry about that," I sighed. "There's no Fade here. There never was, to the best of my knowledge.”

He gave a horrified sound.

"But hey, look," I drew his hands to my ears. "You can check out the real me! Yayy?" My cheerfulness sounded pathetically fake, even to my own ears, but at least I drew Solas' attention away from the lack of magic.

His fingers curled around my very average, not at all pointed, human ears, and he finally looked up to take a closer look at me.

"You're... human?" He jerked away from me and stood too quickly. He had to steady himself against the arm of the couch.

"Yes, like I said," I stood too, dusting myself off before taking the two steps to the window and raising the shades just enough, so soft autumn light could flood the lounge.

I heard a gasp and took a steadying breath before I turned back to face Solas. I tried not to fidget as I waited for him to take in his new surroundings with its strange furnishing, the huge flat screen TV mounted on the wall, the AC units on the ceiling, the microwaves at the back, and beyond the open sliding doors, the fully equipped communal kitchen.

And finally my own, pajama-clad, inadequate self.

"This is really another world," he whispered.

"Yeah, and I'm really sorry," I said. "I'll figure out a way to get you back to Thedas, I promise. But right now, we should move." I glanced at the clock mounted above the kitchen doors. "It's almost 6 am and I'm not sure that the caretaker would take kindly to finding a bloodied elf in the lounge."

Solas' eyes widened a bit, but he didn't shake off my hand when I took his, and I was grateful. He came silently, as I pulled him along toward the door, that led to the inner garden and the stairs.

I was praying that my roommate was sleeping over at her friend’s room and breathed a sigh of relief when I found our door unlocked, but her slippers missing. I ushered Solas into the small genkan/entry hall, and locked the door behind us.

Solas stood still, still a bit dazed looking, and I ran a hand through my shoulder-length hair, all loose and tangled, in frustration.

What should I do now? How could I take him back to Thedas? Or even just the Fade? And until I figured out a how, where should I hide him. We weren't allowed outsiders in the dorms. Heck, he shouldn't even be up in my room, on the women's floor.

I looked at Solas for inspiration and noticed how he swayed slightly on his feet.

"Solas?" I asked worriedly. "Are you feeling all right?"

He gave me a sardonic smile.

"The only source of magic here is your amulet," he said. "For a little bit there, I felt like I've been made Tranquil. Or died. So no, I am not feeling 'all right'."

I flinched and turned from him. I shrugged off my own slippers and stepped up to the parquet floor. I went straight to my side of the wardrobe and digging through my clothes.

"The bathroom is there, I'll show you how to use it in a moment," I said. I reappeared with a pile of clothes I guessed would fit him and fresh towels. "You should change out of those bloody clothes. You'll draw less attention."

I was talking in a detached tone. I couldn't help it. I still couldn't quite believe that he was standing in my room. And he was obviously, rightfully, blaming me for the situation. I felt guilty and hurt at the same time.

"Thank you," he said quietly. It almost sounded like he was sorry for his earlier harshness. Well, he would be sorrier once I had the talk with him and found out why he outright lied to me.

I showed him how to operate the shower, which soap to use and told him, I would take his clothes downstairs to wash while he cleaned up.

"Solas?" I asked through the closed door, as I waited for him to strip out of his torn and blood-stained tunic. "Why were you in the Arbor Wilds? Were you really trying to reach the last remnants of Mythal?"

I heard him pause for a moment, before the rustle of clothes resumed. I thought he wouldn't answer when he finally said, "No."

I waited for him to elaborate, but he remained silent.

I startled a bit when he opened the door a gap, to pass the small pile of his clothes to me. I took them from him, closing my eyes tightly to fight the urge of catching a glimpse.

"Thank you, Fagora," he said quietly.

"No problem. I'll be right back," I said and practically ran out of the room. Only barely remembering to take my wallet and laundry detergent with me.

 

 

I stared at the ultra-modern washing machine. Then at the clothes of indeterminable material in my hands.

I had a good guess at the tunic being either cotton or linen. I voted for linen, judging by the slight roughness. The breaches were something halfway between soft wool and cotton, while the leg wraps were definitely leather.

I looked back at the washing machine with all its myriads of programs, all named in kanji. I couldn't read a damn thing. I only ever used the general program before. I didn't have anything delicate enough to worry about ruining. Now I wished to know if I could just throw everything in on a delicate program, or would even his tunic turn into mush if washed by a machine.

I didn't want to ruin Solas' clothes, but I also knew, that I was not going to be able to get the bloodstains out by hand-washing them.

I sighed and with growing dread, threw everything in and set the machine on the most sensitive/delicate program I found with the help of the dictionary on my phone. It would take a while. I wished I could stay downstairs, but I didn't dare leave Solas alone for too long.

What if my roommate returned? What if he fainted in the shower? What if...

Yeah. I set the alarm on my phone, so the timer wouldn't lock the clothes in the machine as the money ran out, and I legged it back upstairs.

 

I had apparently taken long enough that Solas had finished with his shower and was standing in the center of my room, dressed in my sweatshirt, which was a bit too big for him, and my sweatpants, which were too short for him.

I swallowed hard. Damn him for looking so good, even in the ill-fitting clothes. Was this how boyfriends felt when you put on their shirt?

"Th-this is my bed," I stuttered, motioning with my left. "You should try to rest... I'll just get your clothes in a little bit and then hustle up some food for us."

Solas looked me over from head to toe. I barely suppressed a shiver. I didn't know what to do. It was so different, facing him as my real self.

"Fagora," he began, but I cut him off.

"I..., I'm Cathy. That's my real name." I said. "I'm sorry..." I added in a small voice.

Solas stood in silence for a moment, his fingers absently stroking the amulet lying flat on his chest. It suited him, I noted with mixed feelings. Then I realized that he wasn't wearing his wolf-jaw necklace. I haven't seen him with it at all before. His armour could've hid it in Vir Dirthara, but his apostate getup wouldn't.

_Later. Ask the questions later._

"Cathy," Solas said gently, drawing my attention back to the here and now. "I owe you an apology."

"Not now," I shook my head vehemently. "Later, when we figured out how to get you back home."

He took a step closer, raising a hand as if trying to take mine, but my phone's alarm went off then and I turned away, grateful for the distraction.

"Sorry, I'll be back soon, please, rest." I said again and practically ran out of my room.

 

 

This was not going well. And I had no idea how to even begin figuring out how to get Solas home. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to. Then I thought of his pain, caused by the lack of magic, and decided immediately that I could not delay.

I had to figure something out.

And if there was somewhere, it was likelier to find a way to Thedas, it was in Japan. Maybe if I took him to one of the local shrines...

I opened the washing machine with a sigh, and delighted in finding his clothes clean and whole. The footwraps were a bit crinkled, but I tugged them straight before rolling them up. His tunic and pants were both free of blood and after debating whether or not I should try the drier as well, I decided not to push my luck and took them all up to my room.

When I entered the living area, with Solas' clothes carefully hung up on a couple of hangers, I found the man already deeply asleep in my bed. I couldn't help but stare a bit dazedly. He looked so peaceful like that. Younger too.

I carefully hung up the clothes on the end of the privacy curtain rail, before pulling the curtain closed as quietly as I could. I wasn't quiet enough though. Solas stirred and open his eyes a crack, to regard me warily.

"Come," he motioned for me to lie on the bed next to him. "You must be exhausted after today."

"Well, it's technically only early morning..." I protested weakly. It was early enough that everybody was still asleep in the dormitory.

"Cathy," he said, his voice sleep-softened. "You brought me here. Even if there is no magic here, it was no small feat. _Especially_ , if there is no magic here."

I conceded his point. I did feel exhausted. More so, than normally, when I dreamt of walking Thedas by his side. I thought about having cast the barrier, the healing spell and the pull through a world, and nodded reluctantly.

"All right."

My bed wasn't big, but it wasn't the smallest they could've put into a dorm room. We sort of fit, if we didn't wriggle around too much. If _I_ didn't wriggle around too much, like I normally did when trying to sleep.

“You’re not off the hook, you know,” I whispered as Solas fit himself around my back. “You will have to tell me the truth eventually.”

“Hush, da’len,” he murmured, half back to sleep. “Sleep now.”

So I did.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fighting Writer's block with a different POV and present tense (sorry). Also some OC-worldbuilding and setting up for a whole bucketful of shenanigans in the future.  
> Next chapter we'll return to my normal self-indulgence.

Solas walks through the Halls of Mythal with deceptive calm and a touch of bittersweet nostalgia. His surroundings are too perfectly recreated to be merely one of his memories taken shape in the Fade. Yet it cannot possibly be real either.

Not since _that_ day.

He looks out through one of the archways and gazes at the faint outline of Arlathan floating in the distance, its crystals throwing the setting sun's light out in dizzying fractals.

"Your world has indeed been beautiful in its most glorious age," a familiar voice says behind him.

Solas turns, but the graceful figure is not his old friend's. Or... it is... She is beautiful and Elvhen and young still. Her hair is like spun gold, tinged amber in the dying light, her dress is the pale blue of the summer sky. She looks like she did when they called her the All-Mother, Goddess of Justice, ...Mythal. And not like the old woman Solas met when he'd seen her last.

But her being is all wrong. She doesn't look like a real person, but like a painting, a too perfect portrait of the best of the Evanuris.

"Don't startle the wolf... he'll eat you," jokes another familiar voice. It's a statue this time, that looks like a Dalish elf. His vallaslin carved into the marble of his face, graceful curves taking away instead of giving. Felassan grins at the shocked expression on Solas' face.

Solas wonders, if it's his mind that conjures up the likenesses of his long-dead friends. Maybe spirits have gathered to give life to the lost-but-not-forgotten.

"I can see his mind working... It's," says Mythal's likeness. "... _fascinating_."

Felassan's statue guffaws.

"You sound just like him!"

"I am a reflection of him," she says. "Of course I would sound similar to him."

"What manner of spirits are you?" Solas asks.

It is fascinating indeed, to watch the interaction of the memories-come-to-life, but he is concerned. He doesn't want his thoughts to corrupt these spirits. But something still feels off, strange, and he is starting to question if this is just a dream in the Fade.

"We are not spirits," comes a third voice. Soft, feminine, lilting. It freezes the blood in Solas' veins. The other two bows their heads in unison, before stepping back and being swallowed by the dreamscape. Solas doesn't want to turn around to face the newcomer.

 _No_. Not her. Anyone but _her_.

"You wouldn't even say 'good day' to me? Did we truly part in such animosity?" The woman asks from behind him.

"You are dead," is all Solas manages in answer.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I have to be gone."

"Are you a demon?" he asks.

The woman chuckles, her laughter's like the tinkling of bells. Just as he remembers. It hurts, in his heart, to hear it now.

"You are hurt by this memory. I am sorry. I did not mean to cause you pain. I shall go..."

Before she can move though, Solas whirls around, a hand catching her by the wrist.

"Don't."

It's almost like the first time he gazed into those Fade-green eyes. She is just as beautiful as he remembers, full of grace and wisdom and love. He chokes back a sob.

"Ellana..." he breathes her name like a prayer.

She smiles sadly, raising her free hand to cup his cheek.

"I am sorry. I tried to make you feel more at home. It seems I have misstepped and caused you pain instead. Forgive me," she says.

"I am the one who should be begging for forgiveness..." Solas whispers, eyes closing against the pain of regret. When slim fingers brushed away barely escaped tears, he realizes that he's crying.

"Hush, vhenan," Ellana's likeness says gently. "It is no use crying over past mistakes. You should learn from them instead."

Solas huffs a bitter laugh.

"It's the only thing I don't seem to be able to do."

Ellana smiles knowingly. Then she pulls free of Solas and opens her arms wide.

"I am but an image from your mind. This might not be the Fade, but it holds the same promise of potential. You are no Kaimelar, yet you wear the Queen's favor around your neck. Be welcome, Guest."

As she speaks, her voice and form changes, until she is no more than a painting on a wall, her voice the subtle noises of an old building.

"Welcome to Castle."

 

It takes Solas a minute to compose himself and notice the other changes to his surroundings. He finds himself in the foyer of a palatial residence. Gone are the Halls of Mythal, instead the walls are covered with silk wallpaper and wood panelling. There are paintings, hung randomly, of people and faraway places. In the center of the room, set into the marble floor, is a mosaic of the same symbol as the amulet around Solas' neck. There is a twin staircase leading to the upper floors, curving around glass sliding doors in the back, that open to a lush rose garden.

And in front of those doors stands a woman, whom Solas has only ever seen once, in memories shared by a strange little elf, in a long-forgotten library. The Queen of Somnium.

She doesn't seem to have noticed Solas until he takes an involuntary step towards her. When she turns around, her emerald green gaze practically glows. Her smile is bittersweet, and when she opens her arms to him, Solas moves into the embrace without hesitation.

Her embrace is warm and he feels safe and... acknowledged. It feels like she knows him better than he knows himself, and still she accepts him fully. Her arms tighten around him and Solas buries his face in her lavender-scented hair.

"... finally found you..." she whispers.

 

***

 

Solas wakes to the sudden sound of the privacy curtain dragged open, with his face still buried in Fagora's hair.

 _No, she's ‘Cathy’ here_.

She must've turned around in her sleep as she is now curled against his side, one arm and leg thrown over him in a possessive, sprawling gesture.

She wakes with the sudden noise too, blinking at him owlishly before sitting up too quickly, half-panicked and bright red with embarrassment.

"WTF, Cathy! I said there was one rule! ONE! No Boys Allowed in my ROOM!" a redheaded young woman shouts indignantly from beyond the opened curtain.

Solas watches as Cathy bolts from the bed and tries to explain or just make up excuses, in clumsy animation. He doesn't quite follow what passes between the two young women, still trying to shake the dream from his mind.

It was like walking the Fade... except not. Perhaps it's better to describe it as walking the Dreaming... the Fade _before_ the Veil.

Solas stands the weary gaze of the Roommate, who is briefly introduced as 'Garnet', while Cathy yanks drawers open under the bed and gathers clothes and fresh towels before retreating into the bath chamber.

"So, are you some sort of cosplay-nutter?" Garnet asks, eyeing Solas' ears and borrowed clothes that don't quite fit, with suspicion. He is not unused to such scrutiny, but it's been a while since he had to play the meek apostate.

"I do not know what that is, but no, I am not," he says in a carefully measured tone.

The Roommate considers what he says and what he doesn't say, and nods with decision.

"Fine," she says, "But if you break her heart, I'll gut you."

Solas doesn't have the opportunity to deny a romantic involvement or formulate any kind of response, before Garnet grabs her bag and is out the door.

He's putting his own, cleaned clothes back on behind the redrawn privacy curtain when Cathy appears again. Only wrapping his feet is left, so when she mimics knocking on the curtain, he bids her to enter.

"I'm sorry I disappeared on you," she rushes on. "I shouldn't have left you to the tender mercies of Garnet. She can be... difficult to get along with, but she's really the best roommate ever!"

She continues in the same manner, talking too fast and being generally all over the place. Solas watches with barely disguised mirth. She does look different. It's strange to notice the more human qualities in her. But she also retains the gracefulness of her elven form.

She talks about food and sleeping arrangements and how many rules are being broken by him staying here. She pauses for a moment, as if deciding something, then she's scaling her desk by way of the bed, to reach the top shelves above for ingredients. She asks him what kind of foods he'd prefer, and when none of the options sounds familiar, he tells her that anything is fine.

She chatters about not being able to cook well, or at all, yet returns from her trip to the kitchens downstairs with a meal of eggs and chicken on hot, sticky rice, and calls it 'Oyakodon', launching into an excited explanation of the name's meaning.

"See, 'oya' means ‘parent’, and 'ko' means ‘child’. So the chicken meat is the parent and the egg the child. Oh, and 'don' just means this type of rice-in-a-bowl dish."

Solas nods, barely able to hide a smile. It’s harder to remember last night’s events in the face of Cathy's incessant cheeriness. Even with no Fade, the amulet around his neck holds enough magic, that it feels almost the same. It's a different flavour, but ultimately the same kind of ready, malleable power.

Then, as the noon sun turns into late afternoon, after their meal is finished and the dishes are washed and set to dry beside the bathroom sink, Cathy stops in the middle of the room and says the words that drag everything back to the forefront.

"So, I guess we should talk about what happened with the Inquisition..."

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking is hard in reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I wrote myself into a corner. I'll try to write myself out of it somehow... XD

_"So, I guess," I said, "we should talk about what happened with the Inquisition..."_

 

Solas and I stared at each other for what felt like ages. He wasn't only reluctant to explain himself, but I could actually see him shut down. His amused, barely-there smirk was completely gone. His expression turned serious and distant, like what he wore in the Arbor Wilds when he told me to lower my barrier.

"I'd rather not speak of it..." He said quietly.

I frowned.

"It's all very understandable," I began slowly. "That you don't want to revisit painful memories. It's even okay, if you don't want to talk about it to _me_. But there is this slight hiccup, where you _lied_ to me."

I was getting angry at him again. And no weirdness and surrealism of him sitting by my desk could tamp down the utter disappointment and _hurt_ I felt over his betrayal of my trust.

"I know you don't really know me..." I tried again after taking several deep breaths to calm myself. "But I'm the only one who can _maybe_ get you back to your world. And I refuse to help until you tell me what really happened. And what you were planning to do in the Arbor Wilds..."

Another staring contest. Solas' gaze grew even colder and calculating. Then he stood decisively.

"Fine," he said and grabbed the amulet around his neck. "I'll just find my way back by myself."

My eyes went wide and my blood felt like it froze in my veins as I could _feel_ him draw on the power of the amulet. For a terrifying moment, I thought he'd succeed. His left hand glowed green, and I stumbled back from him as I recognized the Anchor, as it was meant to be.

Then the magic stuttered and the glow disappeared, and the only thing left behind was a very startled and very worried Solas.

I wanted to punch him.

"It... doesn't..." he stuttered, looking at his left hand and the amulet in his right in turns.

"Of course it doesn't, you... you...!" In my fury, I couldn't find a suitable expletive to describe his arrogance and stupidity. "My amulet doesn't connect to the Fade! I gave it to you, so you wouldn't feel so _dead_ in a world without magic. You can't just try and bully it into granting you power!"

Solas stared at me, paling at my words.

"I'm really stuck here..." he whispered, dropping back into the desk chair. He was starting to tremble, and my resolve lasted only a couple of seconds before my fury evaporated and I was crouching in front of him, closing my hands over his as he clutched the amulet in a vice grip.

"Solas? Solas, look at me, please."

He met my eyes with a panicked look.

"You're not stuck. I'm confident that I can get you back to Thedas... somehow. But you can't just open a rift to the Fade from here. This place doesn't work like that." I tried to explain gently, but it was hard as I had to fight my own disappointment.

He tried to run.

Instead of explaining. Or even just lying again...

He tried to run... from me…

Just what had gone so wrong in his Thedas?!?

"Look, I'm going to make us tea," I began, then chuckled at his frown. "Fruit tea, it's delicious, you'll see. But, I'm gonna make tea, and we'll drink it, and then you have to tell me at least a little of what happened. Okay?"

Solas stared at my hands around his. Then, he carefully laid his left on our joined hands and nodded shakily.

"I'll... try..." he said. "I cannot promise you anything."

I nodded too.

"’Try’ is good enough for now," I said. I realized that if I forced the issue, he would just clamp up more. And we still needed to figure out how to get him back. He was relatively safe here, in my world, but he didn't belong here.

 

So, I made tea. And we camped out on my bed, with cookies and steaming cups balanced precariously on our legs, chatting about safer topics.

"And you really thought that I was just some kind of spirit?" I was asking Solas.

"Yes," he said, hiding his grin behind a gingersnap. "You did keep disappearing, not unlike Cole used to..."

A short silence as we both thought about how _'everyone dead'_ included the ex-Spirit of Compassion. Then Solas cleared his throat and continued.

"I think I first believed that you were real when you collapsed from exhaustion in the Emerald Graves. Then you haven't reappeared for so long... I thought you might've died..."

"Yes, sorry about that..." I mumbled before taking a sip of my Ginger & Orange tea. "I couldn't really help it though. I can't control when I appear and when I disappear. Except, perhaps, that I only end up in Thedas when I dream. And for six months, I haven't dreamt..."

"Six months?" Solas looked at me startled.

"Yes, I guess it must've been worrying to not see me for so long..." I trailed off as Solas was shaking his head.

"Cathy," he said. "For me, it's only been about a fortnight, since you disappeared after collapsing."

"Two weeks...?"

Only two weeks...

But then, if I remembered right... time didn't quite line up before either.

Solas was frowning.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked.

"If you're thinking that we have all the time for me to return, I'd prefer to get back sooner rather than later," he said grimly.

"I'm thinking that we'll be lucky if the way time flows differently is constant. Because if it's not... there could be years passing in Thedas while here it's only minutes."

Solas paled at that and put down his empty cup with a loud clink before standing with purpose.

"We need to leave now!"

 

***

 

Of course, it wasn't that simple.

For one, we still haven't figured out how to approach trying to get Solas back to Thedas.

For two, it was after sundown and I wasn't willing to risk the woods to walk to the nearest shrine and try there.

And for three, as soon as I explained this to Solas, Garnet returned with a huge grin on her face that disappeared as soon as she saw us among the cookie wrappers and used mugs.

“Why aren’t you ready yet???” She exclaimed.

I stared back at her with a blank expression.

“Ready for what?”

“The party!” She said. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten!”

Ah. The Halloween party. I _did_ forget.

“Ah, sorry… but I don’t think I should go…” I trailed off, leaving out the part of ‘while Solas is here’.

“Do not forego a prior engagement because of me,” the elf said.

Well, thanks Solas for allowing me to continue on with my life as if I hadn’t brought you into my world… I felt responsible for him, but I also wanted to go to the party. We’ve been preparing for weeks, we even found some beautifully made masks that made us look like animal deities… Wait…

“Garnet, do you still have that extra wolf-mask?” I asked my roomie. She nodded vigorously. I turned to Solas and affected my best official tone.

“Would you do me the honour of accompanying me to this party, Ser Wolf?” I even did a little curtsy thing that got me laughed at by Garnet.

Solas was silent for so long, I had to straighten and meet his waiting gaze.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea?”

“If you really want me to go, then yes. I’m not leaving you here, at the dorm, alone.”

He seemed to consider that, then nodded.

“Alright. But I’ll remember the wolf-thing.”

 

I was out of my mind with excitement. Solas’ apostate getup lent itself perfectly to a masquerade, and Garnet and I donned our classier party gear. I wore a russet coloured dress and a white cardigan to compliment my fox-mask. Garnet wore all black, tight mini dress and leather jacket and all, to suit her panther-like mask.

Solas’ wolf mask was black a grey and I could barely hold back myself from glueing three pairs of tiny red led light on it for eyes. Even without the over the top symbolism, I realized just how obvious his wolfishness was.

And I remembered the single glance I got once, of the huge black wolf with the red eyes, and shivered.

“Off we go to party!” I cried cheerfully to distract Solas, who was watching me behind his mask with too knowing eyes.

“And may only the sun chase us home!” Garnet echoed my enthusiasm.

And off we went to the town.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clubbing... maybe not the best idea after all.

The club was a perfect mixture of noise, booze, music and dancing. One of the boys at our university had connections with the management, so our dorm had the whole club to ourselves for the night. Everybody was there.

Tina, Garnet's best friend had already arrived and was waiting for us at the bar with shots. We chatted and drank, and I watched as the dance floor filled up. I wanted to dance, but I also didn't want to leave Solas by himself.

But I came here to have fun and I couldn't sit still anymore when the first notes of 'Shape of You' was greeted with a huge cheer from the crowd. I gave up trying to be the serious one and joined the people on the dance floor.

I loved clubbing. I loved music and I loved to dance, even though I wasn’t particularly good at it. And I loved to sing along, which was perfect in a loud club, the music drowning out my voice. I used to sing in a choir in high school, but that was a long time ago and I knew very well that when I sang at the top of my lungs, while dancing, all self-consciousness abandoned, it wasn't ever a concert-worthy performance.

A few couples were doing some choreographed dancing and I watched for a bit until I warmed up, and finally just let go and danced. Club dancing was easy. I never quite learned any dance, I could do waltz, barely, and a few different kinds of ballroom dancing from here and there. But dancing in a club... it was simple. Just you, your body and the music. It was pure seduction without necessary consequence. It was just letting go and moving to the rhythm until you couldn't catch your breath anymore. It was a bit like sex.

And I loved it.

It was perhaps the only time I wasn't so self-conscious of my body. I had too much curves, too wide hips. But on the dance floor, I swayed and moved and owned my shape. And soon, I had a hard body grinding up against me. I grinned. It was such a long time ago since I last had the chance to party like this. And longer still since I had a partner to move against, to move together with. The Japanese boy, surprisingly tall and bold, was one of the Baseball club guys. We moved together until his hands finally found their way to my hips just as the lyrics suggested. I giggled.

Then his hands were gone, and because of the small commotion, I turned to find that Solas had the boy's hand by the wrist and the elf was scaring away the kid with a single look behind his mask.

I would've laughed, with how gone with the mood I already was, except it was one of my favourite songs to dance to, and it was just about over and Solas ruined my mood.

I pouted at him from under my own mask. It was too loud for conversation, even with the dying notes of the song. Then the next song came on, another of Ed Sheeran and my eyes went wide as Solas offered his hand in question.

I accepted hesitantly and gasped when he pulled me in close. He smirked smugly at my reaction and started guiding me around to the steps of a dance I've never known. The song was 'Thinking Out Loud' and while it wasn't quite a tango, it must've been very similar to some kind of ancient elvhen dance, because Solas twirled and moved us through the dance floor effortlessly.

It was like a dream. The real seduction of a dance, small touches, close steps followed by sudden distance. I caught on quickly and soon could follow him with the smallest of guidance. We gathered an awestruck crowd as an audience and became the centerpiece for this song. Faintly I could hear wolf-whistles from the back that must've been Garnet and Tina, but my world had narrowed down to only Solas, our bodies and the song.

I was hyperaware of each of his small touches on my waist and hands and shoulder. Each ignited a small fire under my skin until I was a bundle of pure lust and want.

This was such a bad idea. Coming to a club with Solas? We barely knew each other. He didn't know anything about my world, while I still haven't told him about how much I knew of his and why. And he was in love with Ellana... and dead woman...

NO! It didn't matter if she was dead. Solas wasn't ever going to be mine, and wanting him was wrong in so many ways. Why did I bring him here? Why did I think it was a good idea to accept a dance? _This_ dance.

_But baby now~ take me into your loving arms... Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars..._

And I was singing along the song, unconsciously, because that's just what I do...

_...we found love right where we are..._

The song finished, with me in Solas' arms, being slowly pulled up from a dip.

For a single moment, only he existed in my world. While panting after the exertions of a dance, for a single moment, it seemed like the perfect conclusion.

So I leaned up, going on tiptoes, and sealed my lips over his.

It was just a chaste kiss of closed lips pressed together, but the moment shattered and when I opened my eyes, I was met with Solas' wide, grey-blue gaze of shock. I’ve made a huge mistake.

Before I could say anything, do anything, Solas stepped away from me and, with a shake of his head, he cut through the crowd to disappear toward the exit. _Shit_.

I was surrounded by too many people, trying to talk to me, to ask about Solas, to congratulate our performance on the dance floor. I had to fight my way free and by then I've lost sight of him. This was bad, this was _really_ bad. I've messed up royally and now he was alone in a town where he didn't speak the language, in a world where he couldn't use his magic. I had to find him.

It felt like forever by the time I fought myself through the dancing crowd to the back exit. I burst through the door and looked around wildly for Solas. He was standing just outside, leaning against the wall next to the door, taking deep, steadying breaths.

"Solas!" I gasped, relieved to find him unharmed. "I'm so sorry, I..."

His hands were on me the next moment, twisting and pushing me against the wall, trapping me between it and his hard, lean body, his lips sealing over mine in a searing hot kiss, his tongue pressing past my lips, tasting and teasing. I moaned into the kiss, my lust filled brain barely able to keep up with what was happening.

He broke off the kiss as sudden as he began it, pushing away from the wall just an arm's length to put a bit of distance between our bodies. We were both panting, from the kiss or the dancing before, I didn't know.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine.

"This is a mistake," he said.

"I know."

"I shouldn’t have kissed you," he said.

"Me neither, I'm sorry," I said.

"It's just... your magic sings of the Old World..." he whispered.

"I kno.... what?"

He blinked his eyes open and straightened.

"The world before the Veil. Your magic feels the same. It makes me... act irresponsibly around you," he said, one hand caressing my cheek.

_Oh shit_.

"Solas, this _is_ a bad idea," I said and he nodded distractedly. "I'm half-drunk, you're fully drunk on the amulet's power it seems, and..."

I didn't wanna bring Lavellan into this. I didn't want him to remember the dead. I didn't want to cause him more pain.

"I know," he said, stepping away from me fully and composing himself. "It’s easy to forget," Solas said quietly. "With you around. You're like the sun. Or the rainbow. Distracting..."

I laughed.

"Distracting..." I quirked an eyebrow. "I'm not sure whether I should take that as a compliment..."

Solas just smiled sadly.

"Sometimes I wish to forget everything that happened..." he sighed. "But even that wish is painful."

_Cole_.

The memory of the Spirit of Compassion hung between us. I wondered what exactly happened to everybody.

"An ancient hurt that even Compassion cannot heal..."

"If only..." Solas whispered, shaking his head.

"Maybe if that hurt wasn't there..." I looked up suddenly, grabbing Solas by the hand. "Come, I'll show you around!"

I didn't know where I got my sudden confidence from. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the late hour after an already long day. Or maybe it was just Solas' presence in my world.

But everything felt possible just then.

"Come," I said again, already pulling him after me. "The beach is really pretty at night. Unless you hate the sea?"

I hesitated for a moment.

"I don't hate the sea," he said gently.

So I spun around in place a couple of times to orient myself and we headed off along the labyrinthine, narrow streets and alleyways between old buildings, aiming generally east, towards the ocean.

"I once saw a huge rat on these streets. Or possibly a cat... It was dark. But it was the wrong shape to be a cat. It was more like a huge mouse. As big as my forearm."

I prattled on as I showed Solas the way. He listened with more patience than I deserved.

It was always a struggle to find my way to the sea unless I started from the train station. But it was impractical to loop around on the main road all the way that far. So I just tried to keep to the east and kept the TV tower in sight. We only ran into two deadends before I burst onto the seaside road with a gleeful cry.

"May I present, the Pacific Ocean!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been over a year, but I think I have the trapdoor in sight. ;-)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skinny-dipping!

The sand was black, even in daylight. The waves’ murmur was soothing. The full moon painted a silver path across the water.

"It's beautiful," Solas said, and I almost believed him.

I lead him over to the small wall that separated the beach from the road, and after rescuing my aching feet from my pumps, I walked all the way to the water’s edge. I kicked at the oncoming waves, shrieking in delight, even though the water was colder than I’ve expected.

"Where I live... there's no sea. So now I come down here, to the beach, whenever I can,” I chattered on. “When I have lessons, I stop on my way to my classroom and look out the window, to the ocean. It's never exactly the same. But it's always... magical somehow."

I watched Solas’ bare feet leave tracks in the black sand as we walked along the side of the water. Occasionally, I bent and retrieved some seashells.

"I like to collect seashells," I told Solas as I fell in step with him. “Even though I probably won’t be able to take all of them home with me.”

"Ellana used to do that..." he said, stopping and falling silent suddenly. When I only looked up at him questioningly, he took a deep breath and continued.

"She liked to collect shells and make necklaces or bracelets from them. The Storm Coast was hardly suitable for such endeavors, but she was relentless. She made a mosaic once. From all the tiny, colorful shells she'd collected."

"I think…, I think that's the longest I've ever heard you talk about her," I said.

Solas chuckled.

"It's easier here," he said, pausing and looking out over the water. "The sights and scents bring back memories. But there's an underlying... Well, not wrongness exactly, but strong enough difference, that it almost feels like all this is but a dream."

He glanced back at me, and then walked a bit farther from the edge of the water, back to the dry sand. And started stripping.

"Err... What are you doing?" I watched with confusion.

"Going for a swim," he said, and while I couldn't make out his expression in the dark, I could hear the teasing smile in his voice.

"Here?!?" _Now?!?_

"Why not?" He asked as he carefully folded his clothing into a neat pile. He walked to the water in only his smallclothes. _Underwear_. It was difficult to think of them as anything other than smallclothes. Then I realized that I've never seen him so bare before.

"You're welcome to join me," he said in passing, a flirtatious smirk curving the corners of his lips, and then he was wading into the cool waves and soon dove for deeper waters, swimming in easy, graceful movements.

I was staring, stuck to the spot.

_I can't swim_.

Then I shrugged. Might as well try at least.

I plopped my shoes beside his pile, then shrugged out of my dress, only hesitating a bit at my bralessness before turning towards the water. I've never gone skinny-dipping before. I wasn't good at swimming. I could do some backstrokes and freestyle without the breathing, and I wouldn’t drown instantly after being dropped in deep water, but that was it.

And I didn't have the kind of friends I would feel comfortable with doing this. But with Solas…

"FUCK!" I swore as I waded after the pale shape floating on the waves in the moonlight. The water was barely still warm enough for swimming. Winter was near.

Solas chuckled in the distance. I watched him for a bit, looking so peaceful as he drifted on the surface with his eyes closed. He truly looked like a god at that moment. I shivered and dove to join.

I had to change between backstrokes and freestyle to orient myself, but the water felt amazing against my bare skin and I dove deep, doing a turn underwater, imagining myself a mermaid before coming up for air with a gasp. I doggy paddle the last few feet and finally joined Solas in floating on the soft waves. He reached out for my hand, without opening his eyes, and laced our fingers together as we floated on the surface, side by side.

It _was_ magical, bathing in the sea and the moonlight together like that.

“If I catch a cold,” I began in a soft whisper, “from swimming in the ocean in late autumn, I’ll never forgive you.”

I turned my face to Solas, and found him watching me with heavy-lidded, blue-glowing eyes. That look did _things_ to my insides. Very interesting and not-at-all smart things.

Then he twisted, pulling me with him by our joined hands and I scrambled to hold on to his shoulder with my free hand to keep my head above the water. Suddenly our bodies were very close and even in the cold water, I could feel the heat of his body as he pulled me close with one arm around my waist and buried his face against my neck.

“Why did you bring me here?” He whispered against my skin.

I shivered.

“I… I thought you might like the sea…” I was having trouble thinking clearly. Why did I think that skinny-dipping with _Solas_ was a good idea?

He chuckled and pulled back to look at my face. I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment.

“I meant this world. Your world,” he clarified. “Why did you bring me here?”

“It really was an accident…” I murmured, wanting to hide underwater instead of having to face him. “I wanted answers and I couldn’t just leave you… I told you that already.”

“Why couldn’t you leave me, da’len?”

The endearment smarted. I was not a child. Did he still see me as a child? Still? This was all wrong. I pulled away and swam a few strokes to put some distance between us, before I let myself float on the surface again.

“I needed answers.”

“I don’t have the answers you seek, da’len.”

“Yes, you do. You’re just too afraid of what I’ll think… or do.”

He was silent at that.

I shivered in the cold water and decided that I’ve had enough swimming. Making my way back to the shore was hard, with my shitty swimming skills. Solas caught up to me in a few powerful strokes and offered to tow me back. I grudgingly accepted.

I hugged myself when we emerged onto the shore. The soft breeze that was refreshing after the busy club, sent chills down my spine now.

“Come here,” Solas said, his voice a deep rumble, and he drew me into the warmth of his magic. My amulet mightn’t’ve worked for him to just ‘jump’ back to Thedas, but it had enough magic in it to warm and dry us both. I trailed my finger down the edges of the silver triangle, then over Solas’ chest as he dried my hair, carefully running his fingers through the shorter-in-real-life tresses.

_I needed to find a way to take him back._

We dressed silently. I gathered my seashells again and Solas chuckled at the sight as I tried to fit them all into my hands. I haven’t had any pockets. I stuck out my tongue at him and he laughed out loud, and all the tension between us seemed to be blown away with the sound.

We walked along the beach in companionable silence. I sometimes danced ahead, and every time I looked back, Solas had an indulgent smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

The moon was full and its light painted the black sand a shimmering silver. Solas' eyes glittered with the light, hands loosely clasped behind his back, my amulet proudly displayed laying on his chest.

"I know!" I cried out with a sudden idea. "Why don't we go up to the statue and watch the sunrise?”

"Statue?" Solas asked, confused by my new-found exuberance.

"That statue," I pointed up to the hill that separated the town from the village where the dorm and university lay.

"Lead the way," he nodded with a soft smiled.

I grabbed him by the hand, and when he didn't shake off my touch, I grinned even wider.

We wound our way along the beach, then among the silent houses in the dark. I've made this track so many times now that I could find my way even in the dark. Even though, in the beginning, I used to get lost at some point or another, never able to take the same path twice.

I lead him through the winding path among the trees as we reached the forest. I had discovered a path that led straight to the shrine at the foot of the observatory monument, aka ‘The Statue’. It was a shortcut, but as we climbed the small wooden steps set into the sharply rising ground, I got an idea.

"There's a shrine here too," I said and shivered at the cool touch of the growing wind. "Maybe we could see... well, we could try... I mean..."

I trailed off, not sure what exactly I wanted to say.

I still didn't want Solas to leave. I was afraid what he'd do when he got back to Thedas. Would he go on with his plan of bringing the Veil down? Did he try already? Had he failed? But he was still better off back in Thedas than staying here, on Earth.

"Try..." he said quietly. "Yes, we could try."

Suddenly I didn't want to continue on to the shrine. I just wanted to wrap Solas up in a warm blanket and tell him it'll all be fine. But that would be a lie. And I didn't want to lie to him. I wanted to help him. Help Thedas... somehow.

The wind was picking up. It blew through the trees with a loud rush, shaking the leaves in great gusts, bending the branches to near breaking-point. I let the cold air chill my bare limbs and let the wind play between my fingers.

"Here we are," I said, as I spotted the red torii gate of the shrine. A few more steps and we stood beside the small well for cleansing.

I stepped up to the shrine itself, grabbing the thick rope of the bell and shaking it loudly before clapping my hands together in prayer.

"Oh, Kamisama, help us get Solas back home!" I asked the Powers That'd Be. It was half a jest and half real belief.

I wanted to keep Solas, but I couldn't. He was a person, for one, not a pet or a thing to keep. And he was suffering here. He didn't belong and he couldn't exist comfortably here without magic, without the Fade.

There was a great rush of wind coming from the inside of the shrine itself, sending me staggering back. As Solas steadied me and I looked up, my jaw dropped open at the sight of the man who had appeared on the steps.

He was non-descript. Tallish, brownish, greyish, with fierce eyes and a disapproving set to his jaw.

“You don’t belong here,” he said and his voice was soft and rough, like the rustle of leaves in the wind.

“Kaze….?” I asked, shocked to see him. He wasn’t supposed to be real. He was just made up. By me. When I was little. Master Wind, or Kaze no Botchan, (a name that suited him more in its beauty.)

By naming him properly, I had, apparently gave him more power.

“You should’ve brought him here!” Kaze said accusingly. Then he turned to Solas. “You’re a danger to Our Queen. You must leave!”

“That is the plan,” Solas said carefully. I wanted to take a closer step, but in an instant, a strong gust of wind knocked me back again. Further back, even from Solas. He tried to move to my aid, but was caught in a whirlwind.

“I won’t let you hurt Our Queen,” Kaze roared over the wind. His voice _was_ the wind. “Begone, Dread Wolf!”

I cried out in panic as Solas disappeared in the swirling winds and nothing was left behind but a single, Japanese maple leaf, lazily floating onto the stone steps of the shrine.

“What have you done!?!” I shrieked at Kaze. I ran at him in the sudden stillness and grabbed him, trying to shake the answers out of him.

“I sent him to the Void,” he said calmly and grabbed my wrists, easily stilling me. “And now you can _forget him._ ”

 

***

I woke up to the incessant chirping of the morning birds. They were always so _loud_ in the morning. Like my Mum used to say: they had a shouting match in the morning.

I blinked in confusion when I realized that I wasn’t in my room, sleeping on my bed. My whole body protested that I had, apparently, spent the night on the steps of the shrine on the hill. I sneezed and cursed myself that I had gotten drunk enough (probably) that I couldn’t even remember enough of last night to figure out why I was sleeping outdoors.

Stupid masquerade. I even lost my mask somewhere… Garnet’s gonna kill me. She had wanted it after the party. Ugh, my head was killing meee…

I stumbled to my feet and stretched. The sun was pretty high up, and it was not as cold as it could’ve been. There was a soft breeze, but it was rather warm instead of chilling. I sighed and turned back for one last look at the shrine. I bowed and thanked the resident deity for its hospitality. And I found a single, red maple leaf on the steps. I picked it up, twirling it between my fingertips. It was smallish but pretty and perfect. I was going to press it down and stick it in my diary.

“Dear diary,” I said aloud as I turned and made my way downhill, back to the dorm. “Last night I had my first blackout drunk experience… Gosh, I need a shower. And why do I smell like the sea?”

 

 


End file.
